It must have been true love
I don't call true love eating a bag of doritos and then going down on each other
could you please tell me why you thought vodka soaked band aids were a good idea?
I found ecstasy taped in my armpit... thank you drunk Marissa.
And they were awkwardly all over each other in a Christian way.
It is no longer St. Patrick's Day. I should NOT still have green boobs!
I may or have may not just taken a swig out of a jar of alfedo sauce in my fridge. Dont judge me
We were having sex and my nose just started pouring blood. He reached down to the floor, grabbed a sock and held it to my nose. He just kept pounding away like nothing was happening.
BTW car sex works all the muscle groups. Just sayin. Legs/butt are sore as are arms, back and core.
She's got Mike in the bathroom. He's covered in meat.
I can't sleep. Send Llama pictures.
Is it weird to befriend your older alcoholic landlords?
I like the new guy, he keeps beer in the fridge.
Two grav bong hits and a shower later and I'm ready for company
It's like you say things that speak to my soul on a deep personal level
getting my period the day i moved was my bodies way of saying 'congratulations youre not leaving town with anybodies babies!'
It's starting to get sad how I have this 'new beginning' feeling after every negative pregnancy test
Randomize
