there is a puppy in the bar... no really i didnt steal this one
We can get Dustin to help us. I think he'd be good at luring girls into a dark alley.
Dude, I just saw a sixteen year old girl in a catholic school uniform buying a pregnancy test... With a coupon!
Your kinda stuck between a rock and his hard dick on this one..
So the dentist told me I couldn't suck on anything. She emphasized ANYthing.
Come, dress lightly, bring tequila...
Our funnel is on top of our neighbors roof.
The international association of gay square dance clubs had a booth set up in the lobby of my hotel.
so I definitely just chased tequila shots with a biscuit covered in sausage gravy
Thats fucking manlier than riding a bear into battle
Just set myself on fire a little bit. Made me think of you.
He asked if I was going to squirt out my bday candles. I'm glad the perversion doesn't stop for special occasions.
I had sex in an engineering office last night. So that could be your life. I was mounted on top of a sketch of a future parking lot for a maintenance building. If that's not romantic, idk what is
All i remember from last night was that i was sitting on the toilet for a good hour eating a philly cheesesteak hotpocket... then i woke up... in my bed.
I just do things that aren't classy the classy way.
In hindsight, maybe rearranging his living room because he has OCD while he was out wasnt the greatest idea. Though it'll keep him busy for HOURS
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