i've got to stop sleeping with short guys. they always turn into stage 5 clingers
he swears he got herpes from a bowl of soup
they would be such cute babies and they would grow up to have huge dicks. and that would make me proud as a mother
1.) where are you? 2.) you making meatballs? 3.) Meatballs for sex?
Do what your heart wants. . .
My heart wants to rip his balls off and tie therm to his head using his penis
Don't bang him. The amount of Jack Johnson he listens to is embarrassing for even a white person.
if you had such a terrible roommate you would understand. jacking off in his conditioner is just the start.
Dude. I legit missed class because I got too engrossed in the porn I was watching. Also I need to figure out how to get as flexible as these chicks. Some of the positions they do are outrageous.
The security deposit's gone, let's trash this motherfucker
I was trying to remember why my knees hurt then I remembered I was twerking on the countertops.
Sex with you deserves a trophy and a day of remembrance in honor of it.
bought a large fruitopia from McDonalds at 7:45 this morning. Spilled it on the ground. Cried. THAT hungover.
The last time the Patriots won the Super Bowl I lost my virginity. I can only imagine what'll happen if they win this year.
Just beer bonged through a snorkel, add that to the list
Have u seen my vagina and my gorilla costume? Im in need of it.
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