there's a guy on campus handing out business cards. you pay him to see if your girlfriend will cheat. the company name is "tying up loose ends"
The dentist just giggled when he accidentally shot water across my face, I can sense how he treats women.
just saw a former disney star do a keg stand. her life choices have improved.
I always know the weekend is over when the real license comes out and the fake goes back into the hiding spot.
I can't. I can't get out. He cooked me food. And made me jager bombs. And painted a glow in the dark smilie face on my boobs
I woke up next to her will a oven mit taped to my cock. Dear god, I might have tried to use it as a condom.
AND OMG I HOPE YOU ARE GREAT WITH CHILD. COOK THAT BUN!
Just found my bra in a bag of chips on the kayak floating about the pond. Sure sign of a good night
I woke up at 5:47 in the morning to you peeing on my parents bedroom floor. I think we've established that you have a limit .
So his roommate walked in on us, went upstairs to tell her bf she has found a new use for the rafters & they must try it.
if elf comes on TV one more time i swear to god i will smash my brains out with this fruitcake
That was when I yelled "Wisconsin powers activate!" and took off sprinting across the ice
I feel like any time there's that much rope, lingerie, and horse masks on the ground, it's safe to say it was a great night
right after that u started calling me g-force and started trying to bellyslide down his drive way
Do you think it's my receding hair line that makes all the milfs attracted to me??
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