dude facebook disabled my account because im registered under a false identity. now in order to get it back, i have to prove that it's really my name. i sent them an email and had to sign it "Cordially, Lloyd Pancakes"
Pretty sure she's used to bigger guys. She kept slipping off while on top. like, constantly
maybe i would like her more if 99% of her sentences didn't start with "yesterday when i was reading twilight..."
people should stop making movies, we'll never top bio-dome.
he actually used the line "do you have a map, because i'm lost in your eyes" and i was to drunk to care
so she called me drunk and made me stay on the phone with her while she puked.
my ex just saw me in his brothers bed. fuck yes revenge feels good
He promised he'd be the first bidder on my ebay item if i went home with him. Worth it.
It wasn't a wasted relationship. I got road-head in an Escalade. I still keep that with me.
He just said he wasn't going to drink on Saturday because he was drinking on Thursday and Friday...we need new friends.
i'm not sure if i'm mentally prepared for this.. politeness? proper grammar? book reader ? this is a whole new meaning of the species penis for me.
I knew I was high when I wanted to write a poem about how great it felt to wash my face
I don't really know I'm just giving her a key to get back in and the "don't get pregnant speech" and leaving it at that.
Is it weird that I noticed my lower half feels strange and then further realized it's bc I'm wearing underwear to bed for the first time in weeks..maybe months?
What do I do with all this pork broth? I can't waste it.
CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG
Randomize
