Yes. UR adorable in a weird way.
He asked to "fluff my boner.."
Also, i'm pretty sure i've had my birth control pill stuck in my throat since like...two pm. So i'll be practicing safe oral sex tonight.
Sometimes I kiss girls just to make them shut up.
The guy I was getting with last night took off his purity ring mid-sex and threw it across the room.
she wrote "SORRY" in her vomit and left
my three year anniversary of no dick sucking is coming up. you can throw me a party with a penis cake.
The irony of calling it Pride is that you do things that no one should be proud of.
one of the cashiers from Kroger is eating at my kitchen table and nobody knows why.
Well, it's either jungle juice or memory of the night... It's unfortunate I can't have both
Not sure if this is better or worse than the discovery that bourbon and hot chocolate is a viable combo
I just don't do feelings in the summer months.
Just tried to dig out holes in my mattress for my boobs so I could be comfortable lying down on my stomach
Heeyy... sorry I got so drunk. You probably don't ever want to see me again. Thank you for dealing with me when I tried to jump over the deli counter for some mayonnaise.
I just saw a chick driving drinking a juice box smoking all while on the phone that is talent
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