operation harelip BJ is a go
every time I see Anne Hathaway all I can think is "my cousin fucked a guy who fucked her" and it makes me proud.... so I want to say thank you for being that cousin.
No, we have matured. We've stopped having sex in front if his room mate.
all i wanted was to be slutty. now i'm meeting him for drinks tomorrow because he woke up before i had a chance to sneak out and was too polite to say no
i convinced her i need a blow job every morning to wake up because i have a medical condition.
he found cum stains on my sheets and all i could blurt out was "better on the sheets than in me"
BTW waking up to a picture of you taking a shot of what I can only assume was shitty lukewarm liquor out of a blow up dolls butt made my day
my biography would be titled "haunting truths and dick jokes: a tale of love, loss, and masturbation."
I can't ever look his wife in the eye again. She will see right through my soul to his dick pic.
No like I actually peed on the treadmill. As it was running
You're a goddess. Probably of destruction and dick jokes, or some shit, but man, lesser bitches wish they could be half as fab.
I just saw an ad for "fair trade quinoa vodka". Fuck this world and everyone in it.
Have you ever wondered if we are just made up characters in someone's head? You'll have to forgive me right now I think I have 7 thumbs
I literally forgot every French word I knew and blurted out “mange moi” so he went down on me like I was some baguette fresh outta the oven!!!! I passed out.
Probably not. Getting pulled over and puking my guts out on the side of the road in front of the cop and him making fun of me, was not my finest moment. Plus I lost my debit card.
Randomize
