How come it tastes like onions whenever I go down on her?
Just found 2 diff. colored pubes in my underwear..new record.
Right now, my father is sitting on the couch, totally smashed, crying, eating pringles, and watching the credits of Transformers 2. Love him.
he didn't want to fuck because he was too busy skateboarding. what are we 12? I'm too old for this shit.
I'm giving you a get out of sober free card for one of the nights
You made a glowstick headband with a helium balloon tied around it and climbed a tree in high heels. I was impressed.
that's right. bitches got laser pointers. let's fuck shit up
By the end of the first quarter he was so hammered he was pouring beer into the crockpot with the miniature hot dogs and BBQ sauce saying he loved the supper bowl and he loves taking mini weinies to the face
So immediately after we finished having sex she started singing, "The Circle of Life", put her clothes on and then just left. I think I'm in love.
I have what looks like a rubber stamp mark on my cock from last night that says "Magic Marla Approved" Do we know a Marla?
Accepting his friend request would be the Facebook equivalent of pity sex.
Happy Father's Day to the first man I called Daddy while cumming.
I let a drunk straight girl spank me with a metal paddle at the bar tonight. Remind me to never do that again.
Do you have any idea how awkward it was to type ‘dog twerking’ into google search? Because I don’t think you do.
Like he legitimately was standing straight up, feet on the roof, not holding on to a moving car.
Randomize
