I swear if his heart was half the size of the cum stains he's left on my sheets we would have the perfect relationship
I can see why you broke up with her now... it was like having sex with a corpse.
I'm gonna need you to NOT let me play duck duck goose with three racoons in the middle of the street next time.
These shoes are like walking on sunshine and labias. So soft and squishy
Dude. I might have just seen some porn i wasnt ready to see. The chicks were so old.
I want this pizza in and around my mouth forever..
i am laugh crying so hard the guy next door stopped playing guitar
I guess she fell asleep at the strip club and the other one was crying because she had a vagina in her face. Happy 21st!
How do I ask where the Jello shot cups are at Walmart without sounding like white trash?
Should I be concerned you put your last name in my phone as "danger"?
And now you understand the importance of Saturday naps.
Because you stay up all night having sex and eating sushi?
Wanna play whack-a-mole in my pants?
Your word choices worry me.
I just sang Hey Jude with a homeless man and then we drank beer together. Then I watched asians take pictures under a xmas tree for an hour and fell asleep in an MGM Grand bathroom stall. #AloneinVegas
true. but still. you know how big of a sucker i am for a penis and a pretty face.
That’s the third time this month he’s hooked up with a girl by telling her it’s his bachelor party, and he’s not even dating a chick let alone engaged.
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