Thats not how I planned it, its just the way she passed out
Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
if you don't open the door right now liz is going to get pregnant
its like he missed a chap in the "being a guy" handbook and read the bible instead
She wrote me a poem titled "Penis Flower" and it wasnt a joke
I love wearing low cut shirts cuz then when class gets boring, I can look down and admire my breasts.
i think i'd rather have a trophy of a like jizz stained curtain or something
Just found an unopened tied g of coke on the floor in her room... she thinks the maintenance guy dropped it earlier today. This takes the cake for sketchiest apartment.
You blacked out and then went around stealing other peoples phones and leaving yourself voicemails
I got two from random numbers, the first was me and said "Don't forget you murdered Josh in Wii Bowling"
The second Jenn said "You are ridiculously smart for drunk dialing yourself"
Are you wearing clothes?
Fuck no, who do you think I am
Ended up in some house where this dude has a $1200 leopard cat
I assume you passed out however I'm drinking jäger and beer in bed with my cat so your friendship world have been appreciated
Every time I'm hungover I just want to watch Harry Potter and cry.
There is a cooked ham in the washing machine.
Your dick is the only reason I have motivation to come back to school today
Randomize
