I had a long pep-talk with my penis that ended in "I love you, I'll try harder and I'm sorry."
i just had 3 doubles lined up on top of a urinal, texting with one hand and my dick in the other. I an fucking awesome.
Just did the walk of shame across state lines...milestone?
getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
I just saw a van full of amish parents and their kids. Those cheating mother fuckers!
I vomited in the sink and my bra was in there...I don't even have words to describe this hangover confusion
12 trash cans filled with water. Beer cans floating in each, 12 ft apart. Dodgeball. Ultimate beer pong.
Rules. We have to wear superhero outfits
Everytime the frat boy touches his bro's ass after making a cup take a drink
Today's work quote "if I looked like you, I'd be sitting on everyones face"
Everything smells like vodka and bologna. WHAT DID YOU DO?
Thanks for having me and my emotional baggage over last night.
I've spent my afternoon dipping strawberries in DayQuil if that's any indication of where I'm at in life.
Good for you, kid with a beer in hand as you walk to your 11 am class.
I thought this was a dry campus.
That means you have to bring your own beer from home.
Wish me luck on my new penis adventure
Well now I’m in the bathroom puking up absinthe so guess I beat myself up over it one way or the other
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