OH RELAX, IT WAS PITY SEX.....
We're watching an ocean show on Discovery Channel and drinking every time they say "dolphins." PS. Seals kill birds. Tell all your friends.
If someone cant be won over with guacomole and tequila they are not worth your time.
Well i have to fuck at least one of your roommates this year to keep the tradition alive.
He passed out on the floor and you kept hitting him in the dick and screaming "hammer of justice".
I was so stoned on the way to work, I pretended you were in the car with me. We sang "Mrs. Jackson" by outkast.
You yelled "hold my dick" before you tackled the guy away from the dj and two random girls moved to actually hold it, then argued about it. I want that whore aura!
Then again, I'm single and napping with a stuffed yoda doll...so I'm not the world's authority on shit.
She just walked up to him and was like "you should fuck Angela" and it worked! She is the ultimate wingman
She said I had a really great aura. Which I think is hippie code for "I bet you can give me a mind melting orgasm"
It was a great idea to buy that cocaine while dressed as an elf. It snowed all night for me.
I just masterbated to the home shopping channel...what have I become...
If he's gonna send me dick pics; he should at least zoom in to make it look bigger.
Do you ever have one of those days when your breasts are just fucking awesome?
In the last 3 weeks my drunken adventures have caused me to lose 2 credit cards, one debit card, a bracelet, two purses, and my $500 phone... Maybe i should quit drinking.
Randomize
