i met a boy and i'm in lovvvvveeeeeeee and we're going to vegas and getting marrrrrriiiieeeeedddddd!
let's be honest with each other here, that's about the worst idea you've ever had. you need to walk this one off.
The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
i'm unexpectedly in a limo, eating poutine. the driver just offered me coke. good idea?
my math professor just wrote "parallel" on the board, but spelled it "pararrel". guess what country he's from
She bought a fucking hedgehog. And that's just the tip of the crazy iceberg.
He legit pounded my cooking wine, because he was to cheap to buy beer. He is so not getting any.
She trust falled out of a window. It was like that scene from A Little Princess but with a lot more blood.
Hangover or death. Death. I'll have a slice of death please.
I asked if he wanted to sext and he just started sending me pictures of his beard.
Does Jim keep sending you pics of him in drag too???? If so, are you also slightly uncomfortable?
He's pretty cool once you ignore the fact that he's trying to get into your pants
Pretty good. They took the stitches out but it still hurts like a bitch. The doctor says I should be off crutches by next week.
Well, that's good. Let's hope drunk you doesn't sabotage you.
I know that you sometimes make decisions based on comedic effect, but losing your virginity shouldn't be one of them.
"Plot twist... I'm straight."
Why did I wake up with a skeleton in my bed? Is it from the lab?
Oh crap, that's where it ended up. Yeah, don't ask.
Randomize
