dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move
that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame
if you take his cock out, you have to give him a bj. it's like giving a moose a muffin.
so looking at the guys i've dated i feel my vag is a halfway house
is it possible for your nipples to fall off? if so mine might. they hurt so bad...
What can I say, he stumbled upon the key to my heart: orgasms and mac 'n cheese.
So if you ever need to know a guy who knows a guy who knows a guy that can put a 24oz beer can up his ass... Hit me up...
They installed a lotion dispenser in the bathroom at work... its like they want me to masturbate on the clock...
I think I'll handle my grief by throwing myself headlong into lesbianism. Seems like a fitting tribute to you.
We play beat the clock every morning. When the alarm goes off, she hits snooze and drops her panties. If I can't finish in time to beat the snooze, she jumps in the shower and I've gotta jerk off.
Dude. Where are you? There's a hot chick drunkenly dancing on the bar and aggressively taking shots to Pink songs. She looks like she needs a rebound. Get. Here. Now.
FUCK NYC TRAFFIC.
But lunch with my dad really just means an hour and a half of him telling me how he's disappointed and how he knows I'm on drugs
I woke up this morning fully clothed with a dart in my pocket
I want to respect them as people, but really I just want to have sex with them.
I feel fine lol. I tried climbing a tree but the branch broke and I got arrested.
We're going through the drive-through at mcdonalds while pulling sam behind us in the wheelchair and having them hand him the food. Let me know how this went in the morning
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