I must be too annoying 4 u.
Hot mess moment: I just made really spicy guac and picked my nose, which set it on fire. I tried to neti pot it with a coffee pot, which resulted in me gagging and puking all over my bf's bathroom. oopsie.
does dane cook know its not 2004 and that hes no longer relevant?
he's werid. hell kiss me after i go down on him but he wont kiss me after i eat anything with mustard.
I just want you to know that i just realized your the only friend i dont feel fat around.
there is no way i can order from that cashier at in n out after she tried helping me while i was drunkenly puking in their bathroom at 11 am
I guess I tried to show you how big my closet was and we ended up eating pickles in my bathroom
Thats the worst face I've ever seen you make an I've seen you throw up in your own hair.
my heart is telling me chinese, but my head is telling me beer.
His lack of social graces and moral fiber complements mine nicely.
All I know is I woke up with his business card in my bra and in my handwriting on the back it says 8 inch.
Last night apparently I said "I need a break" and then I just passed the fuck out for 3 hours
As soon as I got there, you appeared out of no where, yelled "they're giving away free cigarettes!" in my face and then disappeared and I didn't see you the rest of the night.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how good of an idea would it be to pregame at the airport right now
Ten
I JUST SNEEZED WITH A MOUTHFUL OF CHEWED UP CASHEWS AND THEY CAME OUT MY NOSE AND IT HURT AND NOW I HAVE A LITTLE NOSEBLEED
Randomize
