Anddd after the worst sex of my life, he said.."do you mind taking off the condom, tying it up, and throwing it at the door?" Weird.
dude if Megan calls say you Sis was house sitting for me yesterday , she f'n found dana's panties
the girl next to me in class is drinking a margarita out of a slurpee cup. i know your going to ask how i know its a margarita and the answer is i can smell the tequila. i never want to leave this place
he asked me to smell his eyeballs.
I bruise way too easily for the kind of rough sex I want...
We removed her tutu and her cape, so there's no risk of her strangling herself.
For my job application I just put "community gardener- personal business" for my previous work experience in place of the neighborhood pot grower/distributor
my bartender licked my nipple. never stay after hours
My therapist is concerned about your alcoholism.
I have six drafts of messages to you that just say "blood" and I have no idea where they came from.
proof that my night is going well: I can still open doors
one of the RAs is here. he told me his name is optimus prime and then took his shirt off and fell down
Oh my god I would go to planned parenthood the same day I get my nipples pierced
I'm pretty sure my roommate is moving out because her cat likes me better
i'm sitting in bed scratching my boobs and wearing a sparkly fedora and have no one to blame but myself
Randomize
