We're pre-gaming then going to chuck e cheese's.
If you're joking I'm going to be sad
I feel like this woman may give her husband a hand job mid way through dinner. just saying.
It got awkward when the girl working at planned parenthood continued to hit on me, after she knew about my STDs.
Yo I tried to get u stoned for ur dreams by blowing weed smoke in ur face while u slept. Ur welcome.
I think im gonna bang this 35 year old at a kids birthday party in the bathroom at this house while the kids open the presents.
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
If your wondering why there is a puddle on the floor is I may have decided to make a kiddie pool in your living room.
When I woke up my bed had been moved to the middle of my living room, a hippie was spooning me on one side and a pile of cocaine on the other, did I go through a time warp or are we still in 2012?
When i'm home next we need to get baked and go to waffle house. I want to see if the waitress can still guess my intoxication level and what i'm about to order before i even make it to the table.
i had a tequila and emotion induced one night stand with a random stranger. senior year: infinity me: 0.
you dont know your limits until you wake up with a black eye and a bruised rib and find out you got ran over by a bicycle last night
I get off at 11. but they've been letting me go early cuz I've been crying a lot
I wish I could send you one of those donuts I had. Like teleport it to you. Because it would change your life
I was just seen throwin up on the bookstore building near a trashcan by parents. Naturally I throw a thumbs up and say go college
I just had 3 numbers I don't know text me and remind me I am to attend AA on monday. Im gonna say it was a good night.
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