You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.
you know its a sad night when you can actually see and hear sitcoms on at the bar
So when I got her home I realized being a lesbian again isn't like riding a bike...
He called me while he was having sex and asked if I wanted to go get mcdonalds
Only I can have a panic attack in the back seat of a cop car and have them move me to the front seat.
You're welcome to join, but just to warn you, tequila makes my clothes disappear. And I'm telling you that as an adult to an adult, not as your supervising teacher who decides whether or not you graduate.
Remember that time i gave you head on MY birthday and you made me stop so you could watch the rhino part in 300
Are there any plans to where i might need to be dressed semi-nicely or is it a "pants optional" weekend?
2 things: 1) can you get hep from toilet water? And 2) do you know where we can get a new skillet for cheap?
Please tell me those aren't related.
I made rice.
we need to find a way to be drinking champagne 24/7
I had 2 shots but she spilt one on me. Kinda mad but kinda grateful
Well the streak is over, I saw a penis today
Fuck these bullshit days. My underwear are still inside out.
I just used my sisters cheerleading plaque and a children's book to crush up painkillers to snort. Happy Friday
You spilt a drink on my couch, then used my dog to mop it up... you called her a mop dog, repeatedly
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