i'm drinking out of my 'black like my president' mug
Besides Rainforest Cafe, there's nowhere i'd rather be intoxicated than here
my sister just canceled her nose job because she thought it would hurt too much
It'll hurt less than being alone
My vag should have a twitter account. It would be like "destroyed another condom today".
She's holding my hand. I'm going to kill myself.
Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag
I need new friends
Maybe you should go over there and lead him on and reach down his pants like he's about to get some and yank his balls.
That's the best idea I've heard all day.
Pray the makeout fairy visits me this weekend.
Either way, he made a blog for his cat.
you told me your favorite colors were "pink" "no pants" and "Mexican food"
How much do souls cost? I feel like I need one if those.
Who put the meatball sub on my door handle?
By god, his vagina is better looking than mine.
I feel like a grown up and it scares me so I'm hiding out in the bathroom stall and messaging you
He’s exactly what I’m looking for: he’s got a broken heart, a working penis and a new boat!!!
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