I just want to make him a cookie cake that says "you have no chance with me."
im a genious. moved my bed and mirror so i can watch the game while Fucking
It's underwear night and I am literally in the bar wearing nothing but underwear and flip flops.
I understand where he's coming from but I don't want this alcohol to revolve around relationship
Wait
I distinctly remember seeing your nipples from the deck.
My landlord showed my apartment to a prospective tenant today and I had my vibrator and gun both chilling on my nightstand
I may have played more drinking games with my family this last week than all of freshman year...
I yelled at the dude who smoked him up "YOU'RE THE REASON I'M NOT GETTING LAID" then went to bed. So yeah, I guess it was an ok night.
Last year I got a dildo in the mail on my birthday. Today it was just a credit card bill. Sadface.
You're not talking any sense into me. You're cheering me on to disaster.
... is that not half the reason I'm your best friend in the first place?
Jesus fuck that was emotional whiplash
if it makes u feel better, i skipped class so i could go to a sex convention in jersey a few hours earlier than if i went to class.
Something like, "Merry Christmas. I hope Santa shits in your mouth."?
Literally just stood behind a guy in line at Walmart get his card declined when he attempted to purchase condoms. That's rock bottom.
His dog hid my thong. Let me tell you, the last thing you want during a commando mini skirt walk of shame is lots of wind. There’s a church congregation that knows all my business
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