I am not sure how to feel about the fact that I was turned on by someone with a penis. I can't believe Lady Gaga would do this to me. :(
Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
The pine trees are waving at me.
Put the pipe down honey.
Hi trees.
I can't make Walk of Shame Wednesdays a recurring theme.
That girl that gave me a blowjob, I think I fired her last year.
Whatever dude, I don't feel bad about it. If my girlfriend finds out even SHE should give me a high five. That bitch was fine
HOW ARE YOU ALWAYS DRUNK? AND WHERE ARE TOU TRYING TO GO??
There is this threesome scene that is literally 10 minutes of straight fucking
Omg so it's educational?
And I'm only telling you that because I really wanted to use 'my boyfriend' and 'dick biscuit' in the same sentence.
why does CNN give a flying $@*# about the royal baby so, so much?
i hope they name him Joffrey
I was "singing along to the Lego Movie" high. Everything was not awesome
He was telling me about how he's leaving on his Mission next week... While we were having sex in the back of his car.
I don't know how to say "Sorry I was banging your boyfriend before I knew about you but you're awesome and we should hang out." without just saying it.
His mom let me come to his house for a Booty call at 4am. She even cooked us breakfast in the morning and told me im a better moaner than his girlfriend of 4yrs.
u better not lose ur virginity to a sugar daddy who doesn’t post a pic of himself to tinder
Randomize
