there is a puppy in the bar... no really i didnt steal this one
am i at home because theres a dig starrrrring at me and i dont know wit plus i haer sirens. run fast.
i swear to god, this restaurant is playing a john tesh cover of a song from aladdin
Ok so serious question: if one wanted to say the plural of mongoose, would it be mongooses or mongeese?
so I got guilt tripped into giving her a new years kiss, and she proceeded to try and eat my face while mounting me. when you give a mouse a cookie...
last thing I heard her say before I passed out was 'this is great. I never get to be the big spoon.'
Sad news: I might have to institute a "once-per-day" policy on getting trashed downtown. Sorry, reputation.
I'm not holding out much hope. She met me in a nighclub when I was arguing with the cigarette machine
He's hinting that I'm starting to be kicked out of their blunt rides, I can feel it.
I'm pretty sure when you walk down Broadway and can pick out people you've slept with.. It might be a problem. I'm leaving for rehab tomorrow.
we got kicked out of McDonald's because you kept screaming THAT SHIT CRAY at the woman in front of us because she ordered a fish filet.
...that shit cray.
So my mind was like YOU ARE TOTALLY GONNA MAKE IT TO CLASS TODAY but then my body was all LOL NO YOU AIN'T.
They are gonna stay together and get married and have 2 children before he wakes up and realizes that there is more to life than anal
Let me atleast have my coffee before you start talking about your penis
Soon to be ex is nowhere to be found. Her attorney/new BF just showed up. 30 minutes late looking hungover. Pretty sure I'm getting the kids AND the house!
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