i thought i deleted your number from my phone...Wtf
people will do anything to get on MTV. like get pregnant.
ugh. my soul tastes like vodka
i just found a bag of weed behind my capital one card. i guess that's what's in my wallet.
i should teach a seminar on how to fall off the wagon
That's true. There's really no bad time to take a Vicodin.
It is the Reeses peanut butter cup of pharmaceuticals.
I think it got a little awkward for her when my dad walked in on us and did nothing except leave half of his pizza on the table for us.
Let me know when ur ready so I can throw up one last time then brush my teeth
I'm your Election Erection Connection
I retroactively revoke all sex we've ever had.
For the record, rock bottom is where you start crying during porn because your ex used to slap your ass like that.. Continue on with your day now.
I'm sorry for aggressively singing the Frasier theme song at you so many times last night.
These beer shits have taken over my entire life.
Tony's mom to him at breakfast: "I found the shirt you wore last night in the bushes this morning."
We were covered in sweat and glitter, making out onstage, in front of everyone. I think it was a good night.
I seriously feel like I just crawled out from under a shit covered rock. I'm NEVER drinking like that again...well, not for alteast a solid 3 hours.
Randomize
