ParTy fuckkin suckkkks bro I gotta fid sum biTch 2 leT me fire sum loadz on her FACE!
?
Nah, but can you imagine if I were seriously like that?
I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
Your parents are going to be so confused in the morning
More like pissed. but ill be sure to explain my pathological fear of terrorists hiding in the bathtub
I wish i could be there for it
morning outfit: hottub soaked skirt. no underwear. someone's bandanna worn as a shirt. took me an hour to walk home. this isn't fun anymore.
Trying not to fart in the comp lab is going to take everything i've got.
I tried doing a handstand in the middle of the bar and I ended up kicking this old guy in the face and broke his glasses. Thats how I got kicked out
We hooked up with his aunt passed out next to us. It was just like old times.
Just know I'm having fun but I still have my motor functions.
It was darkish out, I was shit faced, and they should have marked the electric fence a little more clearly. The entire wedding reception saw me run full force into it
I can smell the sangria seeping out of my pores
My dad just accidentally taught me how to make fake IDs. I love my life.
Hopefully this dress says "let me rent your house" and not "let me suck your dick for money"
Hired a new intern today and we have something in common. I blew her boyfriend in high school. Do you think she knows?
He compared my ass to "a 13 year old track star's ass." Umm WTF? Is that supposed to be a compliment? And when I questioned boy or girl he said "either."
The best part of last night is not remembering half of it
Randomize
