Moving to Utah. Got sick of alcohol and have a severe wife shortage.
and this is why i am such an inspirational person, i am the Joel Osteen of alcoholics.
dude your girlfriend loves you alot..she yelled your name lastnight in bed
The biggest loser is alot easier to jack off to at the end of the season
You wrote me a letter and I cannot make out anything you wrote except the last sentence which says "tell the wolf ill meet him at sunset and that I'm sorrry"
He left his umbrella behind in my bed to 'keep me company', then stole my front door key before he went to work
No, he attached a coozie to his crutches so he can carry his beer around the party.
Is it bad if one of my goals right now is to snort blow through a licorice?
Don't answer that. It is bad.
There is no try. Just do it. Yoda said that. Or Nike. I can't remember. whiskey
Please do us both a favor and come rip my clothes off.
I just overheard this sorority girl saying "It's like trick or treting but for alcohol and with no costumes." I'm jealous.
If you go to Tinseltown tonight. First bathroom on the left, second stall. Avoid. It's still coming to terms with what I did to it.
How would your parents feel if we installed a sex swing?
How do I go about this? "Hey, its my birthday in 40 minutes. Would you like to come over for some sex? Also, please bring snacks"?
6 hours ago I jacked off a a guy for $100. I explained it away as "compensation" for gas and tolls. WHAT am I doing with my life? Quickest and easiest $100 I ever made though, haha
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