He seemed more like the type to get donkey punched by a she-male hooker to me
What part of "waking up in the crawl space of my house with a raccoon" sounds like a good night to you?
She ordered a salad and a budweiser. I love her.
So me and friend just finished Eiffel towering this girl and sounds great in theory but after the high five has commenced its just a weird threesome especially when you make eye contact with your buddy during the session
You were competing with my dog to see who had the stronger bark....
Going to bed. I have to wake up early and teach small children. And then have affairs with their fathers. I'm going to get deported.
why did you let me tell everyone that you can get herpes from the ice luge and then let me do the ice luge?
He made me hold his dick and say "I solemnly swear that I'm up to no good"
Im so excited to get permanently banned for life from all the old bars again, it is gonna be christmas after all
She just hopped out of the car at a red light to pet the baby Jesus in the nativity scene.
Not worth it.
Does he cat effect his dick pics to you? Because THAT is true love
The dorm caught on fire so it turned into a 5am pool party
I still have beer shits from last weekend. Dying from dysentary is a real threat at this point.
He woke up to me masturbating during the presidential address. Now he won't stop making jokes.
Oh don't mind my cushion, I got plowed in the ass by a freight train last night
Randomize
