Rule #1. Nothing comes between you and fantasy sports. Not even a hot chick willing to give you a blow job
we got so high we spray painted his girlfriend's UGG boots. she's CRYING. it's hysterical.
my grandma just put on bowling shoes, to play wii bowling.
i really need to stop putting makeup on my cats..
HOnestly. That's my one goal for this whole trip. I don't give a shit about souvenirs or sand. I want penis.
She checked into foursquare right as she left work so he would think she was there late and not on some other guy's dick
I have to say for barely passing high school, that girl is a genius.
Eating Doritos is not nearly as enjoyable when I'm not drunkenly feeding them to peacocks.
I feel I need to conquer him. He's six ft eight and 265lbs. Its like the mount Everest of sex.
Dude, I couldn't come. She sounded like a goddamn dying walrus.
I feel like I had eight dicks in my mouth
About to trim my pubes so if you decide to walk in, viewer discretion is advised.
Can you check on Mike in the bathroom. It's been like 20 min.
He's fine. He's just standing at the trash can in line for another beer from the keg. Nbd.
Just peed out a window, not entirely sure it's open. Can't tell. I'll find out in the morning.
My friends say stay away from him but it’s still 2017 so I’m allowed to make shit decisions until midnight hahah
I'm eating dinner with his parents and my phone goes "MOVE BITCH GET OUT THE WAY!" Thanks.
Randomize
