Apparently when he woke up I was tripping my face off. Everytime the cat meowed I would meow back. This went on for several hours.
Who would have thought the night we were surrounded by 4 cops would be the most responsible night of the week.
I tried doing a handstand in the middle of the bar and I ended up kicking this old guy in the face and broke his glasses. Thats how I got kicked out
Well today was Thanksgiving Anti-Miracle Daydrinkathon so I had to be drunk by 2pm
One of my other friends found me and the dog in the back seat of this one guy's car....I don't even know
Should you consider yourself out of control when everyone at the party is cheering you on while you're puking, and on the last heave you act like you're rolling dice right before the finale???
Is this like a "I'm taking you out to dinner and treating you with respect" kind of date, or is this a "I'm gonna fill you with alcohol and cheese and stuff my dick in your anus" kind of date?
He broke the bed, AND shit in the closet. What a way to lose his virginity. What a night.
Whoever labeled dysfunctional a bad thing obviously never saw this frinedship coming.
I AM OFFERING YOU ALCOHOL AND THE CHANCE TO LET ME SAY FUCK IT TO MY RESPONSIBILITIES. HOW MANY TIMES DOES THIS HAPPEN?!
Just got biofeeze on my vag. Weirdest sensation everrr. Can't decide if I want to cum or cry
If I shaved my pubic hair into a heart for valentine's day how much would you judge me?
I don't know if the puke on my pants is mine or not
He gave me an extra phone charger for the other side of the bed the other night. Is that love?
she was all excited about us being eskimo sisters and then i was just like "alyssa i've literally been inside of you" and she got even more excited
Randomize
