u know what's depressing? a picture of an owl without a graduation cap
i just got the best bj of my life in the pastors office at church.. Youre right jesus really does love me.
I told you I was good to drive
dumbass I drove... you sat in the passengers seat and steered with a paper plate
She's dressed as a slutty Dalmatian. I doubt she has morals.
He told me something must be wrong, because no one had seen my boobs yet
He told me I was a pleasure to arrest. That's the 2nd time I've heard that.
tanning, a slurpee, and a cigarette. spa day college edition
Yeah, you gave me a condom that I 100% coulda used, then an hour later you basically beat the shit out of me and physically took it from my pocket.
Also, I pretty much need an IV of fluids straight to my soul
We stopped mid-sex and both shotgunned a beer then got back to it. Is this what love feels like?
yeah I had to wear a fucking diaper from work home so I didn't get the shitty squirts all over my cars seats it was fucked
I forgot to tell you that he serenaded me with "Fuck Her Gently" by Tenacious D. And I didn't hate it.
He walked into the bar with a pillow and put his head down...nuff said
On a side note. I slept with a stuffed giraffe last night. Found it in my bed when I came home and snuggled with it. Drunk me reverted to being 2
Your Saturday night was spent at the opera, mine was spent exchanging naked pics with a hot middle aged man that is so ripped that he looks like he's photoshopped. This is why we're blood sisters. We balance each other out.
I hate you so hard.
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