Ha. Yes. I'm at a strip club. I'm the barack obama of strip clubs
By the way the fattest man alive got married yesterday and I don't even have a boyfriend.
What a tease, dude. She's giving me emotional blue balls.
So my boyfriend is on his way over and there is no time to wash the sheets from when I had his roommate over earlier. Put them in the dryer with a damp bounce sheet. Win?
This is a whole new level of slut for you....do they smell ok?
Kayla got stiches in her face. Rode in an ambulance shotgun. Tried to steal a baby, thought it was mine
The chick working the drive through at BK on New Years stuck her head out the window and told me there were no line ups for the bathrooms inside so i should go in there. I just kept squatting and peeing and told her it would prob help business.
Me and this random chick had a conversation about how to save the world. 2 words: Dance. Battles. I love drunk heart to hearts in bar bathrooms.
Just got gas in my car for the first time while high. Went better than expected.
I don't care what you say, the fact that he's a drag queen with the same shoe size as me is reason enough to date him
Cleaning naked can be dangerous. Vacuum cord got stuck on my belly button ring...
? I'm just sitting watching something borrowed alone, crying in my boxers , feel like I should probably do something
Your dick is the only reason I have motivation to come back to school today
All I wanted to do was come home from work and masturbate for national sex day... I sliced my the tip of finger giving myself a pedicure so I can’t even do that #singlelife
He just told me my boobs made up for all the bad things that had ever happened to him. I'm definately having sex with him again.
Showed up to pick her up in my boxers. Lets just say im 2 for 2 with this new idea
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