i never knew gatorade would taste just as good on the way back up
My boss just told me $1,000 at a six hour event wouldn't be worth her time. She makes $70k a yr. and apparently never learned multiplication.
you left with a lisa lampanelli lookalike... i hope she was atleast funny
I want to dip my vagina in sugar. Not only will it be sweet, but it will have a nice sparkle.
So they call this "a walk of shame" but fuck that...this walk is fantastic. What kind of debbie downer came up with that name?
did all my christmas shopping this morning at 4am drunk. never went to sleep. i was walking home drunk last night when i passed a target and saw 3 kids having a dance off. had to join. somehow they convinced me to go shoopping with them. i bought 4 disco balls and a lava lamp.
We had one of those mutual "I know your on a dating website, I won't tell if you won't" glances.
just gave him road head on the way home IN A SNOW STORM..good thing we didn't crash or I'd be dead. I DIDN'T HAVE MY SEATBELT ON
clearly you have your priorities straight
Just ate applesauce I laced with percocets for dinner. I'm pretty sure my grandmother does the same thing.
I wish I had a frozen water bed.
best. idea. ever.
Found a fruit roll up in my pocket this morning. This means my daughter has a peach blunt wrap in her lunchbox.
I just sang country roads at the top of my lungs with my cab driver. Tonight was a success.
I'm now consulting a magic eight ball on all major life decisions. On another note I think I have chlamydia.
Last night was like blooper reel sex. He dropped me!!
We just started our own DARE program: Drugs are really enjoyable.
Randomize
