I thought the fact that I took home a 42 year old with 3 kids would excuse my tardiness this morning because my boss is also 42 and has 3 kids. Boy was I wrong.
I woke up laying in alphagetti with the message "I'd go get checked asap" written out in the letters.
Man, jail baloney is awful.
I've heard so many rumors about me being taken home in an ambulance I'm starting to believe them.
I don't know, But i remember him licking ecstasy off my boobs and my boyfriend cheering him on
Are my feet made of real feet?
On an unrelated note: I'm also a big advocate of the "never waste a boner" theory.
you know I love you but I need to see your friends tits
I got eye-fucked by an 80 year old man wearing a cowboy hat while I was singing country. How do you think karaoke went?
Don't worry, I'm preparing for tonight by lining my purse with a garbage bag.
So looks like I applied to adopt a dog last night. I'm completely ok with this
She left a blanket, pillow, a glass of water, and two advils in the bathroom for me. It's like she knew. Best room mate ever.
She made me a smoothie in the morning.. It was vodka and fruit.
I just had sex on my kitchen counter. It's like the American dream
She drunkenly texted me about Japanese mythology at four AM. I think I’m in love.
Randomize
