Culvers...So Good
So good. The butter burgers slip right outta my ass.
no its okay don't call 911, she's alive. just stopped by her house and banged on her door. she said she turned her phone off because she "had to be alone with her shame and embarassment". typical.
Listening to her yell about my drinking problem is not helping my hangover.
he prob just wants to be friends and here i am photoshopping our kids
When you passed out on the kitchen counter she brushed and flossed your teeth, then carried/dragged you to bed. Why aren't you married?
I can't come tonight. Someone took a shit in the dressing room. A.) Clean it up or B.) Kill myself. Text back with your answer.
I'm sorry for not being sorry about whatever shit I did to you when you were annoying and I was drunk. That is all.
Putting a positive pregnancy test next to my condoms in my drawer so I remember why I always need to use condoms
If my mom walks in on me masturbating one more time I'm moving out
You'd think the first few times would have been enough
Not sure if you're still doing the whole "sleeping with only one person" thing but if you're not we should sleep together when I get back in town tonight.
That's a lot of people she's fucked in one picture.
I'm at the level of despair that only Panda Express can fix
Do you think the police would frown on me opening a psych drug pharmacy on the side? Just to dispose of my drugs without polluting the water supply! It is for the animals!
Pretty sure we had a civil war reenactment in your kitchen at 4am.
That would explain the cannon.
You almost got us killed.
YOU’RE WELCOME FOR NAVIGATING YOU TO A ONCE IN A LIFETIME EXPERIENCE.
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