dude. I'm so drunk.
pete, this is bryce's mom
I can't wait to have my cock in your ass
pete, this is still bryce's mom
umm..so Dad's wearing a thong, I don't know what to do
put a dollar in it?
Lol speaking of weird...he just sent me a naked pic of himself that said "meow" at the bottom.
I enjoy that i have a whole shelf of clothes that I've accumulated from random sex. You know the ones you get to make the morning after look less awkward like similar to an athletes trophy shelf
My roomate just said the he would "tap dat" to the 13 out of control girl on maury. Im finding a new place in the morning.
How dare you send me a picture after midnight that isn't porn. You know the rules.
he convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. he slurred every word. i think i found my prince charming.
We're not even buying beer. Just vodka. In pre-retrospect this was a bad idea but we're doing it anyway
Also I'd like you to set a calendar reminder that goes off every day for you to take 2 minutes to think about what your life would be like without me.
Sorry I never got back to you, I ended up at a party with pot ice cream, pot apple cider, and hash vegetable oil.
theres chocolate ground into my couch, nerds candy all over the floor and cocaine on every surface. great memorial day weekend and yours?
As part of the off-hours team building exercises, I had my new coworkers figure out to push me back to the hotel from the nearby bars in a shopping cart every night for a week.
Also, since I switched back to this phone I've found a crop of dick pics and your funeral arrangements.
Is 1:30 too early for the bar?
Do you want my opinion or society's?
I want your company
someone needs to name a hurricane after you
Randomize
