I just spent the last 30 minutes shaving my asshole.
Note to self: never do anything I don't want to explain to a paramedic
She had the hiccups when she was giving me head. It was actually pretty awesome
I just discovered the Reese's pieces and sourdough bread sandwich. No signs of coming down.
I feel like I have streams of color and coldness wrapping around my body.
I'm microwaving a frozen bottle of Two Buck Chuck while watching The Proposal with my housemate. I'm not sure what success is like, but I'm fairly confident this isn't it.
Why did I puke in my shower caddy last night
Chang gave me a 1.5 gallon beer tasting cup, i have a new boyfriend with a huge stick, Members of the Irish Rugby team slapped my ass and cheered for firmness, and a couple of strangers are naming the child after me. Best. Weekend.Ever.
Aside from the possibility of pregnancy, I'm going to call last night a raging success.
Last night at the bar you we're seriously going up to people and pushing through them like they were bowling pins and you were a bowling ball
He sent me a dick pic from his living room and it has pictures of his three kids in the background
I may have taken the entire adderall. I FEEL LIKE THE FUCKIN HULK. I can't stop cleaning and organizing and doing the clean things
And today, on Faces I'd Like to Sit On .... The starting line up of the German National Football team
I just want a relatively mentally stable guy with tattoos and facial hair that loves Captain America as much as I do and will fuck me the way I deserve to be fucked, is that too much to ask for?
So I have now fucked both my roommates...This is why I can’t live with men.
Randomize
