guess who came home with a hottie last night
Def drugged
ed mcmahon, farrah fawcett, and michael jackson all in one week. What next god, are you juts gonna take my penis too?
It's official. Every guy I've slept with has been to jail.
And then she said we stopped for a train and i tried crawling out the back window.. again, i dont remember this.
Last night I walked out of the bar got in a cab asked the cabi to circle the block. he did and brought me right back to the bar. I paid him $7 thanked him and walked back into the bar.
You put your finger on my lips and told me 'the butt is nature's pocket'.
I don't remember that at all, but I stand by what I said
Just saw a man downtown with a cat just riding on his shoulder like a furry parrot. He may be homeless, but I think he's your soul mate.
I just realized I donated our bong to goodwill.. RIP Kimbo Slice
You suck, She hit so hard.
Well I'm going to hell. But I'm going after multiple orgasms.
Listen, dont tell me about your day or that your mom is in town. Don't ask me to drive you to the airport or proofread your paper. Text me when and only when you have a boner. Oh and take your pants off and leave your front door unlocked because I'm coming over.
So I sent him a snap of me half naked holding a pie last night.
I guess I just don't understand how the two main issues with your ex involve a cock ring and a Christmas tree
And pointless. I'm fully vested in all my calories coming from booze today. The salad just fucks that shit up
I was singing Colors of the Wind and swigging vodka and still felt like more of an adult.
You kept crying and I couldnt help but laugh at you, I was really high though.
Randomize
