I seriously wish I was FB friends with her
Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
atleast your grandma didn't give you her USED dildo just so you wouldn't have sex.
I think he was having a seizure but nobody knew because 'what is love' was playing
There's an old bald Japanese dude on the metra next to me. He's drinking MGD on a crowded train, and rocking out way too hard to what may be the same Dallas Green song I'm listening to. Life is sweet.
Yes. It's so easy to pack to leave when you've thrown away half your clothing cause it smells like vomit.
It's always a surprise to see what songs I shazamed and downloaded last night while we were drunk at the bar.
Oh, and for future reference, telling a guy that your ass is too tight for anal is like painting a bullseye on it.
I have absolutely nothing sober to say to you.
you better not pull some "waking up at 2 in the afternoon" shit, we have weed to smoke.
Mystery lines found in a Pyrex dish in the back of my pantry at 415 am. No recall as to it's origin. Unidentifiable taste. Obviously I'm doing them
We broke up in downtown Nashville with drunken, blow up penis waving bachelorette parties walking by. For some reason I can see this ending up as a country music video.
Hey it's Males-You-Probably-Wish-You-Hadnt-Had-Sex-With Monday. MYPWYHHSWM
You started pulling out condoms from your fanny pack and threw them at all the couples on the beach
Like every two minutes he would pull out and whipser "don't you do it, you bastard" while looking at his penis. His new name in my phone is 'penis whisperer'
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