12 pack with dinner. Living by yourself is awesome.
I give out O-faces like they're halloween candy
Why do my orgasm prompt her to begin using babytalk EVERYTIME?!
did you mean anything you said last night? i just wnna know
no
Not just anyone can homewreck on three continents simultaneously
you are my hero
take it from a girl who woke up with a girl in her bed... you were not that drunk.
In Canada she would be a 10 but here in America she's only a 7
is facebook stalking your hot therapist socially acceptable?
Drunk roommate walked in on us and asked if we wanted to go eat a sandwich with her in the bathroom.
Even when you're down just know that I will always be the one to pour alcohol into your asshole when you're on probation
he was having a black light party and drinking manischewitz wine out of a three foot tall trophy he stole from mcdonald's...that's when I decided it was time to leave
I mean, I already put pants on today. We're already halfway there
Just a suggestion, don't apricot scrub your vagina.
Don't remember anything. Melissa just said I kept saying welcome to the bat cave
I think drunk me saved him in my phone as "beautiful man" to play a joke on sober me
Randomize
