Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
Im watching hello kitty on qvc debating if its a good idea to cook bagel bites on my space heater
He walked in and put an x made out of tape on the floor. He then announced that he was going to pass out there. Cocky or strategic?
I feel that my census will not be the first census submitted soaked in beer
Just got an email from TMobile. Said they were going to pursue "more qualified" candidates. So this is what rock bottom feels like.
It's not every day you get to see a girl fuck herself with a pickle.
Just think, if your stepsister would've gotten knocked up 2 years earlier, she could've had a TV show. What a bitch.
We couldn't find him for like 4 hours. Turns out he was sitting under a tree and had thrown his phone in a lake because he couldn't figure out how to unlock it. Freshmen.
Eating an ice cream sandwich while your little bro gets me weed. May I adopt him?
whatever the appropriate amount of shots is to consider drunken acrobatics a good idea was a few less than I actually had
but we were going camping. it only made sense to bring the 6 ft bong
As long as you keep bringing fries home, i'll keep being naked when you get home
I couldn't find a water bottle, so I sent her to school with her juice in a flask. Who the hell let me become a parent?
Let's celebrate our country being screwed by screwing.
Tonight I totally got eaten out in the old school photo booth in the mall. Will send you pics of the photo reel asap
Randomize
