I just ate an adderall and jelly sandwich in front of my mom. Homework time!
I play with my boobs when I'm bored. I playwith my nipples whe I'm drunk
where'd the toddler underneathe the beer pong table come from?
The best part was that when I woke up, I poked her with my dick to wake her up, and said, "Hi, I'm Alex. Nice to meet you". Shoulda seen the look on her face. Priceless.
Oh god. It's my first day here, I'm still drunk and somebody just drifted in a forklift. I'm going to die.
he kept doing his monologue, "if a vagina could talk."
When we found you, you were using the bottle of Captain as a pillow...with a note on your forehead that said don't wake up the champion.
...Saturday night. Get your dick ready. We are going to go nuts. I want to have sex fucking everywhere.
This is most sickening thing I've ever seen, and I threw up my body weight in jello shots on my birthday.
I have lots of feelings today, but drunk is my favorite.
Sarah is throwing up still and I'm eating salad with my fingers
Well I didn't get a shacker shirt but I somehow managed to come home with superman socks
We probably shouldn't have humped each other in a stairwell for an hour. that was probably my bad
I called him the wrong name all night, yet I still got a ride home from the party and hooked up with the guy. I'm irresistible.
I can't imagine a friend I would rather lose my virginity to in a threesome.
Randomize
