hey, what are you doing? my roommates are gone for the night... you should come over ;)
nah, i'm gonna grab some food
all i remember thinking as i was puking my intestines out is : wow.. this toilet does look like it's from the future.
We officially wrote our house rules 1. We do not waste alcohol 2. Pinky promises mean something 3. Don't leave your facebook open, and if you do, don't complain 4. Never refuse cuddle or catch phrase
I just wish I could congratulate your tits on how much I love seeing them
She called my landing strip a "vagina mohawk"....
Lesbians are weird.
I think I fixed my testicle. That's why I didnt pay $25 for a doctor to do it
He told me he wanted a penis beard so that he could look at girls faces when they gave him blowjobs. i have to say, i kind of admire his creativity
It's kind of like, standing in a garage and pretending you're a car. Except you're naked.
I was a battlefield of empty bottles and bodies. We though we won, but the booze had the last laugh.
All I know is you walked out of the kitchen in some kind of French onion dip bra and started passing out individual chips to guys saying " do you dip?"
Yeah, nothing like barfing into a grocery bag you just put dog shit into.
Dude of course I want to. Your penis is beautiful.
I needed tweezers to get my thong out of my ass this morning.
I'm writing off my condom expenses in my taxes
what are you getting to drink for new years?
well seeing as how i just got diagnosed with a uti, whatever we can mix with cranberry juice
Randomize
