who do I fuck, the girl waiting for me upstairs or her roomate making me mac and cheese right now?? This is the single hardest decision I've always wanted to have to make
Received world's greatest BJ while in a planetarium. Was seeing stars while seeing stars.
And then you gave the bride a high five and said "Go forth and Consummate."
I know for sure he's a bro because he closed the door so my gf didn't see me hooking up with her cousin.
I just masturbated to a Jock Jams cd. What have you done today?
I'm not a horrible person, I just see what everyone chooses to politely ignore.. And occasionally say it aloud whilst deeply intoxicated.
We're having Wednesday-night goat-night at the bar.
It's hard to explain...
I know of an excellent nanny. A lot like Mary Poppins but way cooler. And likes pot.
New low reached: a cockroach has actually drowned itself in our dirty dishes. We are heathens. Cleaning dance party tonight. No excuses.
last thing I remember was someone walking in on me sitting in the bathtub listening and singing along to Britney spears "Till the world ends" on repeat.
Yeah I'm just gonna shower and drink a gallon of coffee and drunkenly write my research paper. It'll be fine
Sex while Star Warsing is the best
Can I get high for this class every tuesday? Its like a multi-sensory carnival acid trip.
i had to call the bar to ask if they found my bowling ball. That good of a night
Did I fall last night?
I wouldn't call it falling as much as you tried to lay on the sidewalk and proceeded to hit it face first.
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