He kissed a someone with a penis
I'm done trying to be a vegetarian. My vagina smells like hummus.
sarah just described his penis as "like bong-girth." I'm gunna go for it.
I was in a house full of lesbians and they were all staring at me. I felt like the last cresent roll on Thanksgiving.
6 beers and it feels like I've been drinking water... Daiquiri time
I've discovered that regular handcuff keys, sadly, do not work on real police handcuffs.
They got me high and left me at the mall with a giftcard for $400. I need an adult.
She is watching her grandpa for the day and the dude just whipped it out and started jerking off while watching the View.
Remind me to tell you a really funny story about me and arson.
Think I just subconsciously wanted a cigarette and started sleep walking to Carl's.. Didn't realize what I was doing until I found myself in an elevator.
He brought me four big burritos and two joints! He can sleep with his bank teller any time he wants!
I told him I tried to eat a stranger's sandwich while I was drunk. Mildly disappointed but he realizes he has me for a kid.
I used my iced coffee to ice the bump on my head from last night
What's the plan?
Not sure. I think I'll take a dump on his windshield.
Omfg 7 hour sex session who am I?
PS: I think I'm in love
Ability to walk tomorrow tbd
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