remember that time that crown gas station wouldn't sell us a lighter so we had to use matches and birthday candles to smoke with a toilet paper roll? sometimes i miss high school
Spotted: forty year old in red dress, cigarette in hand, squatting to pee by railroad tracks. Hello future.
i think im having one of those erections lasting four or more hours
I just peeled a layer of cum off my eyelid. Don't even tell me that's not why you came over
kinda considering buying a life alert for sophmore year
so apparently i worked out for over an hour last night. drinking is the only way i will ever get anything done
My life is a requiem composed in the key of fuck.
I know. They started calling me The Incident. The hotel maids, that is.
We had to coat check the pizza.
I just found like 5 packs of sparklers. If someone doesn't get set on fire tonight I am retiring from party hosting.
you were wearing a pair of wings and handing out McDonalds apple pies, if anyone refers to you as the "Rave Fairy" you now know why.
THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
That guy was drunk and couldn't get it up so he just tried to scissor me.
He fucked me in his tour van, I feel like an official groupie.... Except I don't even listen to his band.
You can come over but I have to warn you that it is naked Sunday.
You looked at the bouncer while you pissed on the front door of the bar and said...who the fuck are you?
Randomize
