You text me last night that you invented a new food. Cheese-less grilled cheese. Congrats, you made toast.
girl in the front row yawned. double jointed jaw. i know where i'll be sitting next class
just had to re-breakup with her. it was like shooting a dead horse that was crying and talking.
I haven't seen any of my friends sober in months. We have classes together.
should my break up email to my English professor be in MLA format?
I cant yet im literally covered in lube but I will later
I was in the freezer we were knocking over shit. Speaking of which i asked my boss. I can hook up with girls in the freezer
Yeah just sayin. Whenever you want to come over and wank me off you can
Sitting on an airplane reeking of booze, sex and shame while surrounded by families coming home from Disney. This is not one of my finer moments.
You pissed off the back deck while listening to the national anthem from your phone screaming America Fuck Yea to my neighbors
Batchelotette party success. I woke up on the floor in nothing but a thong, a garter and a shirt that says Just Do Me.
Oddly enough I feel totally fine now. Clonazapam and red bull the breakfast of champions.
That all sounds beautiful. All I have to offer is my shining personality, extensive amounts of space knowledge, and I hear I am pretty not sucky at sucking dick
i want george washington to fuck me as hard as he can holy shit
Look, I've got a really big car. We just need to put ourselves in it and put some body parts in other body parts.
There’s nothing that says motivation more than watching these little geniuses on Kids Baking Championship New Year’s Day. I’m ready to fuck shit up this year.
Randomize
