i think i've said "don't judge me" 10+ times tonight... is that a bad thing?
yes
... don't judge me
No, that was before the police came, but after the hooker.
I have now ridden the bus with a ninja, a samurai and Jesus. Who says the bus is for losers.
i woke up and my collection of plastic neon wayfarers were half-melted in the microwave. my drunk self hates my hipster self
I just used 'come play with my balls' as a legitimate booty call attempt. And it worked.
youre not allowed to be friends with girls ive double teamed. period.
oh my god, just saw a man throw up in a trashcan and blood came out of his nose. HES GETTING ON MY BUS. HES SITTING ACROSS FROM ME. FUCK.
Was it high me or sober me who put those Jolly Rancher sticks in the freezer? I'd be soooo impressed if it was high me.
I'm pretty happy on the couch eating Popeyes and watching Cops so if I go over there you better have drugs left
Our friendship just got weirder. He snapchated me the porn he was watching.
I really need to curb my attractions to blondes with tattoo sleeves, firearms and alcoholism
I went to watch porn and there's already 3 Santa videos. Happy November 1st.
I'm just gonna back away slowly and come back when there's less weird crap.
One three hour marathon fuck session and now she's divorcing her husband. Should I get business cards made?
True college students do jello shots in the library
Randomize