I need a shot of tequila, and quick death
Dear male population: sorry for being such a dick tease but thanks for paying for my bar tab and drunk food
at home by myself drinkin the left over champagne from my party... who says my birthday has to end?
Don't make me choose between a good grade and anal
We got blackout for the alumni dinner, and then walked THROUGH the keynote speaker, managing to still say "excuse me".
Chelsea handler, $19 million - Forbes women top 100. Seriously she shaped her career around her love of vodka. HERO.
I dunno if we should get high tonight man. its daylight savings. time travel is just too much for me right now.
hotel security told us you walked into the hotel with blood all over your dress, weren't wearing any underwear and were escorted back by three men who were believed to be "homosexuals".
Can't. I took a Viagra to make sure I wouldnt leave the room so I might actually study.
Obama's speech on in 9 mins. Me in the shower now. Naked. Make your choice.
I'm bringing the tv in with me.
The cab driver gave me a church card yesterday and said I should reconnect with god.
Then he gave me 2 tickets to a movie he's going to be in
looked up people from my old yearbooks. 3 ex boyfriends are gay. im getting drunk now.
I think I got a sinus infection from puking out my nose on st. Patricks day #thisis26
My uterus just tried to get me to buy a tub of cookie dough
Last night I realized my life is an experiment of really bad decisions when I had to leave without my underwear. But at least I'm expanding my life experience.
Randomize