I feel like I should put "don't judge me" in the special instructions for the pizza guy.
Now for something completely different: ive figured out how to eat a banana without insinuating something completely naughty
Absence makes the cock grow harder.
Why are there sofa cushions on the floor? And why isn't there a sofa in this room that doesn't have cushions?
Apparently you can coat check a keg.
You were definitely doing something right. You could only see the colored parts of his eyes a couple of times. I was pretty sure he was dead at some point.
i told him i was allergic to semen. he pulled out an epipen.
We established that I was in 5th grade when she was in her final year of grad school. Her daughter is also in 5th grade.
If the Cards come back I will fly to St Louis and shit in a very public place.
My only positive piece of news is that my roommate is moving home for the summer, so our stress-relief sex will be much easier to get away with.
dying me prepared for dead me... i woke up with my laptop open to the last snl episode, a bottle of gatorade, advil and a bag of chocolate all next to me
All I know is I was bleeding, she was bleeding, we stole someone's Lucky Charms, and then I made you guys order a pizza
Is the Glover Park Chipotle past the strip club?
Why is that your only point of reference?
Just answer the question
He ain't mine yet. Gotta have a third date before I pee on him and mark territory.
Oh. Wait. That happened on the second date.
I’m at the Eye doc, sitting in the waiting room. The woman next to me is highlighting passages in her bible. I’m watching pornhub on mute. I clearly need some penis, or Jesus.
Randomize
