He came and then made the Jim Halpert face. does that say disappointment or what
i walked into the first stall,, but there was no paper, so i'm in the other one. a little kid is in the one without paper now and is making a lot of noise. curious how this'll turn out for him.
Oh my god. My pre-date bowl for nerves tuned into "I'm too high for this date" he kept talking about trucks and I couldn't stop making racial slurs.
We have a pile of chopped wood here that suggests we may have chopped down a tree of some sort.
I just face planted on a condom wrapper in my bed...thought of you.
You're so romantic.
come home. I need you. I'm too hungover to deal with this hangover alone
Aaaaaaand, there's the title of my second book. "One Dick. Six Angles."
Well thank god i want six autographed copies
WE'RE NOT MAKING A DICK PIZZA OKAY
I rode home in a shopping cart so there's that. MVP to the guy that pushed it.
You're the third Mark I've fucked in that bed.
Don't drag this out. All I need to know is if I have to put pants on or not.
im going to smoke a cigarette and reflect on my life choices
you stood in front of the mirror for 20 minutes and finally said, "he can hear everything i'm saying inside my head. we need to leave." now try and tell me there is no such thing as too high.
Its nights like last night that make me want to high five my liver.
I met up with trey last night. He whispered in my ear "I love you" then raised his voice and said "but not in a I want to marry you kind of way, but if you died I would cry."
Randomize
