I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
So my teacher figured out I made a drinking game out of her lecture. Once my drink was gone she let us out. Happy St. Patricks day class. Your welcome
Just found out my mom tried to sue the birth control company when she got pregnant with me...love you too mom.
Just got my cast off. My occupational therapist wants me to self-gratify. My clit is about to have an awesome weekend...
I just walked into my exam wearing a mans tshirt and Alex's size 13 crocs twenty min late carrying only a pencil and my heels...I'm not real
I feel like I've been drunk all of June. And I am in NO WAY ashamed about it.
Either call me back or tell me you're in jail. For fucks sake. If this is a cop, just help out. national league.
ive cried into many a lonely burritos..
How do I know if porn I have watched is haunted?
I just compared his sexting to a plate of spaghetti. And he STILL wants to sleep with me.
Our DD will meet us there. The strippers are sending a limo to pick him up. He promised them New Years Eve massages. Said he would still drive us home.
New discovery: your vibrator works on my balls. Technology is wonderful I love the future
Don't take advice from me. I'm simultaneously shitting and eating cheesecake.
I can guarantee he will smoke me out and I won't feel bad about it because he gets to touch my butt.
You took nana to a bar?!
she suggested it
Randomize
