I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
he got wood on it!
i know. i had to sit in his lap on the plane. he also wore teva sandals.
...i was talking about hockey
Listen: if you or anyone else at work finds a starfish in a bowl, just leave it. It'll be gone by next week.
Better yet, if you find it can you put it in the mini-fridge in your office for safe keeping? Spanks.
And if it's going to get me in trouble, maybe just don't mention that I know anything about it.
Maybe you should have studied instead of worrying about who is going to have sex with you
Just saw two girls doing a walk of shame together. Slut bonding at it's best.
It got to the point that I had to make flashcards with their name on the front and dick pics on the back.
don't worry i just saved a song to my personal usb drive to give to the dj at the bar. he's playing old school jlo whether he likes it or not.
I invited you and you fucked me in the face with the penis of disappointment and shit.
I don't think that calm, have their shit together people actually exist.
i tried giving myself a bikini wax.1. i hate you 2. i think i'm dying
Sorry I pissed in your closet and lied to your parents that it was probably a flood. He got up to go to the bathroom, expecting sex when he got back, I panicked
I mean we don't talk anymore but I still see him around wearing that sweater he stole from me after we had sex
rest in peace liver.
It was nice having you occupy space in my body that could be holding beer n chicken.
that's going in my livers obituary.
dude, there is no doorman in your lobby and the front door is locked
oh yeah, sorry he's up here at the party. coming now
He makes me want to cheat on my other 3 boyfriends..
Randomize
