that's when I learned why R Kelly peed on that bitch
Is it bad to use cherry nyquil as substitute for grenadine? Because i just went there.
Nah, totally cool. It already has the alcohol in it.
When i look at that picture of him, i'm a little proud to be like yeah, his dick was in my mouth saturday no big deal.
First drunken handjob: not successful. Second handjob, mostly sober: much better. Nightly news brought to you by me.
soo how bad was i last night?
licking sour cream off of the table at pancheros bad.
I don't know. I was also picked up by the doormen and held over the bar so I could do an upside down shot out of a bartenders tits.
How do I tell my Dad that in the picture he has of me and my brother as the background of his phone we were both rolling face on ecstasy?
I WILL BE THE BEST FICTITIONAL HISTORICAL FIGURE FOR THE FEMENIST MOVEMENT THE WORLD HAS EVER SEEN
Frankly, since I met you, I practically exist in a state of constant readiness for sex
They got mad when I cut the pizza with an x-acto knife. Oh well, more for me then.
He did 5 five hand stand push ups and took off his shirt for a barbarian flex. Some girl took off her shirt and threw it at him
Erin was right. There were bees at the after hours.
Officially spring today. First sighting of loud-ass Steller Jay on the balcony.
I just got through airport security with 5 grams of weed in my back pocket. Either I deserve a metal or the government is slacking
I legit just quacked out loud at a duck on campus. Realized after that there were people around me, they looked at me funny...
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