theres a dog humping me and im not going to stop it... i really need to get laid.
We shared that special kind of eye contact that can only be experienced when you know one party is saying "Oh god, I fucked him in the back seat when you were in the front, didn't I."
You ordered a "mcblizzard" and yelled @ the worker for false advertisement because she didn't flip your "mcblizzard" upsidedown. You wanted it free. I'd say mcdonalds daytime workers need to be trained in dealing with daytime drunks too. She didn't know what to do.
I just saw a girl licking a cheeseburger wrapper. dont ever let me get that fat
While at warped tour today a girl was crowd surfing and her vagina landed in my face, I call that a successfull day.
i had to pay fifty dollars for throwing up in the limo, 60 fucking dollars to throw up all over myself
normally i would apologize for my drunk texting but even sober me agrees.
God damn. I'm really starting to resent babies. They're everywhere. Like fucking land mines.
It was right before we played jenga with champagne glasses for a good half hour
I brought a travel sized bottle of baby powder and sprinkled it on all of the couples making out on the wall in the basement
YOU HAVE BEEN BAD TOUCHED BY THE LEPRECHAUN OF CHOICES
There was a clear and well defined point last night where I could've decided to go home but no now I've woken up with glitter all over my nuts and potentially an std or 2
He's got a beautiful penis, I can't lie
Rain drop, shock top, drinking can't stop stop
There is a couple fucking in the outback bathroom and at first I thought it was sick but than I remembered my Outback fantasy with you and decided I can't pass judgements.
Randomize
