Nope changed our mind. Decided your strange bacon like body odor wasn't what we want to smell tonight.
you threw up in someones recycling bin and left a note apologizing. how drunk do you think you were?!
the best job he will get is a sex ed teacher in alabama
This just in: I met a girl who does the phone sex phone lines, and shes' 5'4" 320. I'll never get a hardon again through a phone.
I just busted my ass on the ice in front of my entire AA meeting. As if being there wasn't embarrassing enough.
Our cab driver looks like Kim Jong il, and you're missing a fascinating conversation about Katie wanting to be carbon dated.
Ugh. my cast still smells like fermenting hot tub water and bad decisions.
How do you tell someone who's buying a pregnancy test to have a nice day .... Like how
Unless your apartment has 3 am pancakes Im not coming over.
OH MY GOD IT'S LIKE SHOOTING FISH IN A BARREL, EXCEPT INSTEAD OF FISH THEY ARE FIGHTER PILOTS
in honor of breaking bad starting soon, i am now banging a walter white lookalike. viva heisenberg!
I also told the pizza delivery guy that he smelled good. I must be ovulating.
We had sex and then ordered pizza after. This relationship is looking good so far.
After we finish having sex, he smokes an honest to God pipe. It's like fucking a big, sexy Sherlock Holmes...
When you puked on me I said to you "we will just say that you threw some mostacholi at me"
Randomize