i hope my daughter doesn't end up with cankles. no guy likes cankles.
If you could channel this insane talent for stalking you'd be a great weapon for this country. If you had a crush on Bin Ladin, guaranteed he'd be found, monitered and tagged within five days.
perhaps when you are drinking red wine from a tall glass with a straw it is time to call it a night.
My parking ticket this morning was 30bucks. I feel like I'm paying the city to fuck you.
is asking a girl out on a date while in another girls bed in poor taste?
There's guys at my school running around throwing potatoes shouting "remember the famine." makes me proud to be Irish.
They just kept handing me shots and saying welcome to college
I created another version of Halloween, it's called swalloween, whatever girl in a slutty costume you bring home has to swallow or forever be known as the holiday grinch
Annabeth just got on the bar and slurred something about how she was worried that when she started dating you your penis wouldnt fit. You are one lucky bastard my friend.
The venue for the new years party is close to the hospital for obvious reasons.
Fucken Tweens. They smelled like cotton candy and hand jobs my nostrils were offended.
No piss test, hell yeah
FALSE ALARM. PISS TEST. I NEED YOUR PISS.
She said, I've heard about you, from girls you wouldn't even be interested in. What?
Does anyone remember last night? Because I still don't know why I now own a goldfish and a ceiling fan made of pizza?
I want to meet people. Preferably ones with penises
Randomize
