Yup u can hook up with me now and not goto jail
Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
Maybe I'll tuck it in and pretend to be a woman pretending to be a man that is attracted to women that are attracted to women who look like men
im probably the most hungover person watchin icarly right now
i prefer some hard alcohol, but wine makes me feel less of a progressive alcoholic
The meeting is at the same hotel we go to for sex. Avoiding eye contact with all the staff there.
you called me and cried until i agreed to record a rap about our lives with you
that girl from work that wants to bone me just said 'the last time i went this long without sex was in jail'. sup, red flag
He just grabbed my boob and justified it by saying "I just wanna feel your heart beat"
Alright, text me when you get close. I've got a mustache and I'm ready to get my day drunk on.
I just did something so unspeakable in the panera bathroom that their health score dropped 10 points.
A guy was over-the-skirt fingering me on the dance floor and I stopped him to sensually rap in his ear. So that was my Halloweekend
Are you trying to say I've made an emotionally well rounded transformation similar to the Grinch?
I hate who I am becoming
I think of it as growth but I also hate who I am becoming as well
I need mimosas to revive my soul
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