It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
today is the best snowday of my entire life. also its no shirt day.
It just sucks seeing everyone get flowers but me...
yeah, but they die. it takes a while, but they die. just like all of these kids relationships will. tequila doesnt die. its a live in the moment thing... like a valentines day one night stand. so long run, tequila is the better gift.
I have the Lakers game on, but all I can think about is having sex with you. Not sure what you've done here.
he just told me he'd rather go to the pirates game. i know it was desperate but i said id give him roadhead if he let me come along.
You know how most people would take your keys when they don't want you to leave a party? Those 2 girls aren't most people. They took my pants instead.
Very impressive. My GPA is the same amount of orgasms I can offer tonight (valid only tonight): 3.5
I dropped my keys into the toaster and felt it push down as I pulled them out. Couldn't stop thinking it was a bad idea the whole time.
I still don't know how you've lived this long.
I'm starting to think that birthday sex is just an urban legend. Like the boogey man, and woman orgasms.
Serio, who the fuck falls down coming offstage wearing nothing but pasties, a g-string, and a fake moustache, and now suddenly needs a tetanus shot. Me. That's who.
We were just getting out tux's at men's warehouse he pulled both of the fitting room girls. I dont think he should be getting married
Black labs can get you to do pretty much anything...even approach strange men in their bath robes
alright well you definitely hurt his feelings though you told him he looked like he was going to an Amish community prayer meeting..
I haven't listened to news as I've been having lesbian sex all night. Anything new?
I often worry that if I get famous, people from my past will recognize me and start talking to the media
Randomize
