Dude, I just woke up on the floor of some random chick's floor with puke in my hair and a posted note on my forehead that said "It's over." Dude I wasn't even aware I was in a relationship...
wooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo
ooooooooooooo i'm drink
he just said he'd buy the porn
its a step up from the last guy
I really need to stop carrying a flask around with me in my backpack at school..
Aren't you in 8th grade?
9th, but that's not the point.
watching elf naked is so much better than watching it with clothes on .
Also, my phone autocorrects ENABLER to all caps. I think I drunk text the word too often.
i convinced her i need a blow job every morning to wake up because i have a medical condition.
Well still if someone cared enough about u to wish an unwanted child or a disease on u ..u must have been doing something right
You screamed "she never feeds them anyway" and threw the fish tank off the 3rd floor balcony. Don't park on our side of the building.
I wasn't trying to be rude when I hurriedly walked past you, but I can not put in to words exactly how bad I had to shit.
his finger was half off and he was more concerned that he wasnt at home shooting cucumbers out of his potato gun.
Do you think wearing a shirt that says I like penis is too much for tonight?
Tinder date just called. I was supposed to be there 30 minutes ago but I'm on a 27 game win streak in Park...?
Fuck that man! Tell her your dog died or something. Reschedule that shit, you can't stop 2K at a time like that. Ball is life bro... Priorities.
I'm a shining star this evening. Dancing with a cane in rite aid now. I should be kept under survaillance.
she is currently in the shower drinking a beer and dancing to a song called "the penis song" my roommate is cooler than yours
Randomize