Did you know nanny-cams work just as well for recording that blow job on the sofa?
I am pretty sure I told him the clouds were earth's purest filtration system and that snow was the rarest and most delicious water in the world. My lips are burning because we ate so much.
I only had sex with her cause she looked like jwoww from jersey shore
Some chick in the back of my Psychologhy of Addictions class just did a line off her hand. She tried to make it look subtle.
You drunk dialed me talking about the stages of mitosis. There is no way you didn't ace your bio final
I just wanna not walk straight. Is that too much to ask for?
He compliments me like a gay guy and fucks me like a starved nympho. I'm in love.
Dude he's your dog he doesn't love me more than you. I'm just like that cool uncle that takes him to burger king and to see girls.
Then he rubbed shampoo all over my arm and shouted, "Garnier FUCK THIS."
Yes, ur purse got stole with our condo keys in it but my slut ass saved us and we had a place to stay, AND I got to choke a motherfucker while riding him. Thats taking one for the team.
The only thing I remember is the 300 pound man breaking ur railing from sliding down it at 3 am. Must of been a good night.
I think I achieved my goal of being high for 24 hours in the same week I promised myself I wouldn't smoke anymore
What?? I could've slept with an ordained minister!
so you might not believe this but he made a powerpoint. and gave you a 3.5/10.
Jack said he hasn't jerked off in like two weeks and he's like a smoldering volcano who wants to bury you like Pompeii with his man gravy
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