He's married, but his wife isn't my neighbor so I don't feel bad about coveting him.
I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
Just an fyi, teatherball while wasted might be the hardest sport ever.
Just made a makeshift menthol by rolling a listerine strip into a regular cigarette... Poor? Who, me?
I don't understand but I fell asleep naked holding a tub of cool whip and a boiled egg
One last question would your parents let me sleep in your bathtub for the night?
In reality u ask do u have beer at your house but what your really saying is will there be cock in my mouth
Bring your friend that fell asleep in the bathroom for my friend.
this probably sounds so sketchy, but hes going to jail in a month so he needs a place to crash for now. Hes sick though, and hes paying half our rent
Btw, do you want me to fix this with a box of wine and a chick flick or is this more of a 'lets head to the strip club' problem? I'm just trying to analyze the emotional depth of the situation.
there is a hole burned clean through my text book on forestry law and I saw you walking around with a blowtorch last night. Hope you have $160 on ya...
Apparently hitting a bong with your mouth half numb is hilarious but frustrating!
Xanax and cookies, it's good to be home
i tried to break up pigeon sex because one looked too young to consent. fireball feminism ftw
Relationship goals: we both wore red underwear tonight. Except he won’t know because my bra been off but it’s the thought that counts I guess.
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