Dude, she DOES look like she'd give good head. No bottom jaw, I checked.
he was in the bathroom singing "will it floooaaat?? will it floooaaat?!" turns out that's a deal breaker for me.
hey, can i borrow that thing you never use?
what?
your penis
two more shots til everyone in this club gets to see my cesarean scars.
How do i write this on his wall without making it sound like he gave me an std?
I seriously dont think i have ever ridden a horse sober.
Swear to god, if I have to wingman for you on my honeymoon I'm gonna be pissed
So I think before Superbowl weekend begins we should all take a look back on last year and learn from our pitfalls... AKA no touchdown shots and kitchen crying.
We also had a full on debate about how realistic and useful teleportation and time travel would be...and only used Twilight Zone episodes as "scientific evidence"
You said "this is only my eighth drink" with like 6 separate drinks
She proceeded to flip everyone off then open a Heineken with her teeth.
He finally left. I didn't introduce him to the roommate. The sex is bad. I don't want him to feel welcome
I AM SO HORNY, I AM GOING TO DIE. I NEED SOMEONE TO WISH MY VAGINA A MERRY CHRISTMAS.
I just had a dream that I was fighting Donald Trump... Gotta stop watching the news before bed
I will pay you in sex, beer and popcorn if you will come fold my clothes for me.
Add free use of your panini press and its a deal.
Deal.
Randomize
