I'm missing my class because I'm not done with my beer
I really don't understand how I cannot figure out how to work a fucking can opener when I'm hungover. Yet I still retained the ability to take a perfectly symmetrical picture of my erect penis and send it to every person in Matt's contacts the night before.
My parents foreign exchange student just walked in on me whacking off. Welcome to America :)
my way of studying for our final tomorrow: registering online to retake the class in the fall
all i asked was if it was all the way in, and now im laying here alone. sensitive guys fucking suck
Nah, I'm just going to keep fucking him until he realizes we're perfect for each other.
i can barely draw a stick figure let alone shave a heart into my pubes
Goddamn you thin people LEAVE FOOD FOR THE BIGGER DRUNKARDS WHO NEED IT
Buying a pregnancy test at Walmart in the middle of the night in the middle of Tennessee is not really how I imagined my 25th year on this planet starting out...
We hooked up with 2 friends last night as always and she stole their fucking cocaine and I just had to drive to their house and make her give it back to him hahshshahahah only me
I found the guy I hooked up with last night on Wikipedia, at least now I know how old he is.
I think about him when I masturbate so I guess you could call it love
He managed to rip my nipple last night....
Write this down so you can tell me in the morning. "That bartender needs to be in my mouth."
That was my first party and they were so suprised that this little freshman girl was a FUCKING BEER PONG QUEEN.
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