No. I was horrified and confused as to why you thought scrambled eggs and cottage cheese was a good mix
Come on... In this relationship-economy, you gotta have "awesome blowjobs" on your resume.
i feel like god sat there all night pointing and laughing at me
Don't upload the drink o meter to your google calendar. Somehow binge drinking looks even worse with a time stamp.
should i go to class, or party with a mariachi band?
meriachi band is very tempting, do they have dos equis?
you came out with your cock in between the legs of a balloon animal. Maybe she'll think you have a sense of humor.
What kind of balloon animal was it?
I'm currently braless eating the balls of the penis cake and drinking warm champagne. I'm 3 cats away from crazy at this point
Dude, i don't know. I don't remember anything after we started chanting/playing "shot of gin."
You can't just take out your bong for hits in public places... That's what pipes are for. You've got to be stealthier.
No, it's okay because this is the city of trees.
YOU'VE ALREADY BEEN BUSTED MORE THAN ONCE. THAT'S NOT A VALID EXCUSE FOR BONG HITS IN COFFEE GARDEN
You shouted, "LOOK I'M HAWKEYE," and beaned mike with a dildo from across the room.
Before you started puking your brains out, you took a moment to give me the correct order of the Harry potter series
So I got this new job… ever been fucked in a corner office before?
Accepting his friend request would be the Facebook equivalent of pity sex.
i can eat my weight in tater tots. don't test me, bitch
And then there was cum in my hair and he was making beans.
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