I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
True Life: I hate vaginal excretions
I literally just saw a campus policeman riding a Segway pull over a moving car. you should just give up.
Following a car with a GPS. We don't know where he's going, but he probably has a better idea of where we're going than we do. Also, very high.
we managed to turn Dream Phone into a drinking game. don't hate.
i think i had to give the cab driver my id to get home last night because i couldnt talk.
please visit steve this weekend, he is getting mature and responsible and shit which scares me.
This is irresponsible on your part, leaving me alone in a bar.
A guy is going to be inside me and I'm gunna start singing "I am stuck on your penis, cause your penis is stuck in meeee!"
Yiu ever laugh so hard you stop breathing? Turns out weed -can- kill you.
I just want to order a very large pizza and get very drunk and very laid.
It's almost sad. It's like the Harambe of vagina stories really.
I'm glad you found someone that both loves you and is cool doing coke off your tits. Proud of you.
I had a rough night. I'm just gonna lay here and masturbate for a while before I have to go adult.
they told me that it was glow in the dark and would make me magical. I was too drunk to say no. I woke up to a purple vagina.
its like a neon Im stupid as fuck sign
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