I accidentally broke up with him while I was drunk which is really too bad since I'd just gotten a birth control perscription so we could start having sex.
Do you think he'd take me back if I said "dude, we need to get back together or this IUD is going to have an existential crisis for not realizing its full potential"?
Girls don't like it when you cum inside them and then discuss baby names.
I went with the blow up doll and I'm glad I did.
My poo smells like dog food. That's how I know it was a good night.
sometimes i think what itd be like to be a firework
I blacked out, started puking and peed on the guy I was hooking up with. Mid hand job.
How old are you? 14? Who gives hand jobs anymore?
Salt in an open wound right now.
well.. I tried flushing my sandals down the toilet
I've reached the point to where my pre-gaming needs to be limited to pre-inning-ing
I heard you shushing me, but my screaming orgasm drowned it out.
Things I Learned Tonight: I have no future in goat wrangling. Herding. Whatever you call the ridiculosity that just transpired.
I'll only sleep there if we can bone on your balcony.
I puked into my skirt and then had to carry it to the bathroom and dump it out, Lmfao and it was like 2pm
NO FUCKING RANDOMS IN AN ALLEY
was that the third sophomore you've banged this week?
third one in three days
Also I literally googled "how to fold socks" so that's how my day is going. How's yours?
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