I start off june hungover/still drunk stumbling down my driveway with the trashcan at 6am..it's gonna be an interesting month
I mean we havent seen each other since december and then bam its cinco de mayo and were having sex under a life guard tower taking tequila shots between each position. no big deal
I just watched her pee in a trashcan, im still probably going to fuck her, what does that say about my standards
I want an alcoholic time machine so we could skip to new years eve
i'm in that phase where i'll swallow anything except food
You dont lie about slip and slides
He walked straight into the wall, said "excuse me ma'am" and continued back to his dorm room.
Can I send you a picture of my penis? I feel like it looks really good right now and I need someone to share it with
I just want every freshman guy to know about Grindr just so I can have more options
I had to get my boss birth control a work today. I knew going to ASU would come in handy in my career someday.
I was walking back to the dorm and was made fun of for wearing a coat. I'M SORRY I CARE ABOUT MY WELL BEING.
Please tell your sister I apologize about saying her baby may have beef curtains. That was inappropriate.
Started mixing booze directly into the 2 liters and carrying them around. Mixing less often, and now kind of weightlifting,so double effecient.
You were laying next to me in bed at 4:30 a.m. I asked if you were drunk and you said you weren't drunk you were buzzed like a bumblebee. Then kept rambling on about having to call out of work.
I’m torn. She’s crazy - like legitimately “Wear your skin as a suit” crazy. But her blow jobs and dirty talk are Pornhub quality!
Randomize
