apparently when i got back to tyler's i layed face down on the bed and yelled "don't hurt my asshole!"
You were too busy being proud of your penis shaped pancakes to notice...
I stayed at the bar and helped clean up cause I was told I'd get free shots. Didn't happen.
Thats why you have fulfilling relationships with nice girls and i have kinky sex with crazies
You got the eggs out of the fridge and yelled "my chickens are beasts at making eggs" and then pegged them at the ceiling and at a couple who were making out
Thanks for not locking your door. I had to pee and there was a random person throwing up in my bathroom so I used yours. \nPS I stole your soap
There should be an app that tazers me in my pocket when I'm spending too much money at the bar. Take a hint, Android Network. You slut.
There should be a rule. If your dick is under 6 inches, you are not allowed to dress as Thor.
Well be careful man. Be careful. Wear shoes in the house. Safety. Safety first, then teamwork.
Is it socially acceptable to break up with someone over snapchat?
I could teach a class on "expressing your thanks through photos taken of yourself in the shower"
And that kids is the last time I ever try to outdrink Germans
She said she didn't know what fireball was. We are no longer friends.
i think the people from taco bell are onto us. they had my order ready today at 3am BEFORE I even got there.
Right. Cuz nothing screams "You made it!" quite like selling your used underwear to strangers you met on the internet.
Randomize
