Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
wasted. watching meteors, awesome idea i ever had, see 2 for every 1 with ma double vision
That's the last time I try to be adventurous at a gas station
she's bipolar. she literally has TWO facebook pages. one for each personality. this. bitch. is. crazy.
Just gave a urinal high five to a complete stranger. Might not be such a bad night after all
He had to stop fucking her halfway through to do a shit. When he returned she was still waiting for him. The joys of MDMA
Fuck underwear. Let's get stoned and eat ravioli.
If your mother gets up on the bar again, I will. The bouncer already had a talk with her earlier.
I also love my swipe to text changed a singular vagina to a plural vaginas. like my phone somehow knows I secretly want 2 vaginas
I tried to put my heels in the coat check
Please tell me I didn't send you a dick pic in the middle of Peter Pan..
You have the most beautiful penis I've ever seen. I never thought penises were meant to be beautiful, but you proved me wrong
Tears For Fears is the only thing getting me through life at this moment.
So, looks like I managed to leave my bra in the boardroom after all the sex. FML.
Yah. Then he started clapping my boobs together in his hands and started shouting "the seas are angry!"
Randomize
