Broke my phone, have no voice AND I was blackout by 3 p.m...I'm betting I had a great time.
The is a pregnant woman in this Chipolte wearing a shirt that simply says ‘OOPS!’ across the tummy.
That baby is bound to be under-loved.
you don't know how close you are to someone till they ask you to shave their ass.
the only reason why im excited to go home for break is to finally eat real fucking food and have normal bowel movements.
There's guys at my school running around throwing potatoes shouting "remember the famine." makes me proud to be Irish.
Am I allowed to compare getting cum'd on the face to a warm summer rain?
Any day that has a special name thats capitalized means you need to need to call in sick and get day drunk. That's why they are there.
Sadly, she's the porn star that got away
I just want to sit my fat ass down at McDonald's and never leave
just woke up on the floor of my shower...it was still runnning
Sorry for yelling at you, I'm just really emotional about missing comicon.
So i just remembered that thing i use to do with your butt because of shark week.
He just got really stoned and kept complementing my ponytail
I woke up on a different floor than I went to sleep on. Can't find my shoes.
You said you made a new recipe, but it turned out you just cooked ramen with vodka instead of water.
Randomize
