Is it normal that I have to take off my pants to get mouth stitches removed?
We did like every position then did it again this morning. Something about him being the little boy i used to make sand castles with just made it way hotter.
well done
We made a percocet pizza. And then i made an unfortunate decision.
curled up in a ball on my bed listening to my "cuddle with a boy" playlist. prettty high.
yea i thought the egg drop soup tasted weirdly like cum, and then i suddenly remembered what happened last night.
i'm never eating chinese again.
Jen's arm is stuck between a wall and her bed. She's naked and needs someone to go help her.
Casually on the bus at 830 in the morning with a box of cheezits and a bottle of fireball sticking out of my purse....
Can I borrow you for, like, thirty minutes so you can lay on one boob and rub the other until I fall asleep?
I feel like I would find myself in so much trouble if I hadn't married my DD.
The first crop top of the year and you're rocking it in the ER. #ratchet
What is my life?
WHAT IF I SAT OUTSIDE AND STARTED SCREAMING THE LYRICS TO O CANADA WOULD THAT FIX IT
PLEASE DON'T
I wonder if go pro can customize a cock ring so I don't have to hold the camera anymore
Sometimes in life you just have to realize the security deposit isn't worth it.
Once he bit me I drew the fucking line.
I threw my back out having sex last night. I don’t know whether to high five myself for a job well done or cry because I’m old.
Randomize
