So I thought I was doing pretty good and then I sneezed and prematurely ejaculated...
just saw a guy driving a atv down the highway in a tux.... only in Iowa...
I'm masturbating to football. This is why I get guys and you don't
the most drunk i have ever been? possibly. the most drunk i have ever been on a monday? definently.
it's 8 a.m. and there are people having sex at the foot of the strangers bed i'm in. the guy just asked the girl how she lost her baby weight so fast.
You dont lie about slip and slides
I could study for finals and ace all my tests but wheres the fun in that? id rather black out and hope for the best
He kept checkin to make sure you were still alive after you passed out on his bed, After like the 4th time he walked back in there you were naked on his bed eating an apple, claiming he needed to be the Adam to your Eve..That drunk..
Men are not even allowed to look at you without a condom on.
Is it bad I'm drunk at orientation
You've been there for 12 hours, what are you supposed to be doing
Not be drunk
I didn't want to hook up with him so I just jumped out of bed, yelled "I don't even believe in god!" and ran out of the room
Do him. As soon as possible and as often as possible. That's what Oprah would say
Honestly, the only reason I've been productive today was because I ended up organizing my apartment while searching for my vibratory charger.
Thanks for not letting me choke to death on my vomit last night
Thank you for attempting to organize my DVDs in chronological and alphbetical order
I woke up thinking it was Friday. I was disappointed (to say the least). I am pretty sure I have gained the quarantine fifteen (but I won’t know until I try to put something other than elastic-waisted shorts on). And I am probably going to need dentures because I am grinding my teeth so much. But hey--this is temporary, right?
Randomize
