At lowes after workin outside. Kid behind me says "mommy that man smells like a taco" yes she was talking about me.
you kind of just crawled on top of him. that was the point at which i became concerned with how drunk you were.
just found glitter in my belly button...seriously when will this nightmare end
I'll see your cousin, and raise you a sister.
Why is the word 'best' written on my chest?!!
May or may not be going home with my jamitor. i'm kiddong, btw, i have no idea. i'll let you know soooon.
No The bastards made me buy a new one, They don't cover water damage an apparently they consider salsa water damage
You know.... I ordered the nipple clamps when I was drunk. But on further consideration, THANKS DRUNK ME I LIKE WHATS HAPPENING
Know what the best part of waking up for work after a drinking vacation is? It's an easy question. Nothing. Nothing is the best part of that.
Just set out 2 water bottles as an offering to my hungover self.
Sometimes you have a glimmer of a heart and then I immediately remember you are dead inside.
Well... I got her number now... I think she is a dish best served drunk
yes, i'm a douce. but i'm a high quality douche.
Last night I recall my hair going up in flames. This is evident by the burnt hair smell that is following me around this morning
Sunday morning breakfast with the boyfriends family. I just puked in the stall at Cracker Barrell. Classy.
Randomize
