the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
Just saw a cop issuing a DUI. At 3 pm. It's definitely the start of winter break.
there's no such thing as luck on your birthday, only drunken invincibility, make it happen
I want a meaningful relationship and i wont get one if i keep giving him blow jobs in my basement while watching family guy.
did i really just refer to you as "the mid season replacement"
He'll choke me during sex but he won't eat a strip of bacon. Vegetarians are weird.
You had us pull over so you could pee, you proceeded to pee in some random persons front yard while yelling "im not ashamed"
Btw before you ask, the dr said there's no way shoving his dick that far down my throat is why i got laryngitis
Maybe tomorrow I'll be drunk again and can provide you with texts at a more reasonable hour. Here's hoping. GOodnight. Tebow loves you
At one point I thought we were going to have to fuck our way out of their apartment
My parents don't seem to understand that all I want to do over break is smoke in bed and watch Workaholics.
I have a third degree burn on my inner thigh from the blunt dropping on me in the car
She called to say the cops were not fake cops. some one has to go get her in an hour
I woke up completely naked in a mint condition 71 chevelle in someones garage. What.
Everything isn’t always sunshine & rainbows. Sometimes there’s tequila.
Randomize
