girl you didnt miss much. except me passing out for 3 hours AT JOBBIE NOONER on some random's boat. i was topless, then completely naked. heard girls were throwing ice cubes at me. i was useless. remember nothing.
dude so we were eating nacho cheese popcorn and chasing it with cole slaw
by the way nacho cheese popcorn is me making popcorn and then adding milk butter and mac n cheese mix
Were driving two hours to st louis so we can pee on the arch. See you in the morning. I might be sober by then.
Trying to convince my mother to let me take some of my sisters Lortab to sell is not going well
Just fell asleep during a bikini wax. Thank god for day drinking.
Well my door is unlocked for you, I'll be in the bathtub drinking a pre-mixed bottle of margarita until I forget the degree to which my life sucks.
I accidentally got a lemon stuck in your bong. I was trying to make it taste good. Sorry
FRIENDSHIP PRAYER: May the crabs of 1,000 whores infest the crotch of the person who fucks up your day
Please, take the 2 shots of vodka that I left as an apologie.
The shit I just took made me regret every life decision leading up to it.
You peed on someones bathroom floor while saying people are rude for not flushing
I was grinding on people that were grinding. Nonconsensual.
Was it you who made out with a toothless guy last night?
It isn't easy. I met him at the gym. He wanted to go out he doesn't drive so I drove and he wanted Dairy Queen where his sister is the manager. This is dating in my 20's
He chose me to be his birthday sex..theres a lot of pressure riding on this bang
Randomize
