HOW IN THE HELL DID YOU BLOW A .24?????
We were watching I'm a celebrity get me out of here and taking shots every time heidi said HALLELUJAH, and started spraying her hair with that stupid dry shampoo shit....and we only watched the last half hour.
I feel like a combination of david goes to the dentist and drunkest guy ever goes for more beer
decided to have an easter egg hunt this year. the golden egg has weed in it and all the others have shots of vodka. who said we were too old for easter?!?
All i remember before i blacked out is you pointing to a random chick and telling me to bang her for America.
FYI the landlord called and plumbers will be tearing up the bathroom tomorrow. Apparently the tub is leaking into the apt below us so be sure to pee in the shower today.
omg I just had an epiphany about why I grew into such a whore....
HAVE YOU EVER NOTICED WHAT THE SPICE GIRLS USED TO WEAR?!? those were my idols, I never stood a chance
i was really disappointed no one would drink beer from our cleavage last night except for us
Well I can cross being naked in a minivan off the list
You told me you were with a dog dressed as a taco, and it was the only one you trusted
Just had sex in the room next to my parents. Heading back to school ASAP.
Erin was right. There were bees at the after hours.
He put a doughnut around his dick and I ate it. What can I say. It was a good fucking night.
It's a shame things ended how they did. We were well on our way to transforming from acquaintances with benefits to friends with benefits.
he said to "slap him" after he guessed the time correctly. i did.
Breakfast sounds amazing but can we do IHOP instead? I have to pick up a Plan B pill and there’s a CVS next to it
Randomize
