Sexting assembly today. Fuck yes
Why did I call the Oregon Department of Transportation at 4:30 in the morning, and who did I talk to for three minutes?
i wouldn't be half as slutty if there were better things to do.
i could't wear that belt anymore, it was gonna make me keep shitting for the rest of the night
So I just googled the ten commandments... Were fucked.
First night in the new apartment. There are 12 people here i don't know, Tequila, and a crying girl locked in our bathroom. I think the apartment christening is complete.
We'll probably be arrested for having a cheetah in our apartment anyway, so I say go for it.
Calling yourself a modern day Geisha doesn't justify being a whore.
asked the cab driver where he learned Swahili last night.
Besides. I seriously had a dream that George W Bush came over and slapped some tabs down on my kitchen counter and said "let's get juiced.". It was a sign to not get too fucked up
Just woke up in his bed wearing only his shoes. I don't know how to gently say hey dude get the fuck up and take me home....regardless these are some nice shoes.
Just got a message from a drag queen on okcupid. I cant even catfish successfully.
He fucked me so hard my nail polish actually chipped. I'm keeping him.
Dude so help me god I WILL weigh a penis one day
He's got the good dick trifecta - flip phone, works outside, bed with no headboard.
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