and those juicy C cups turned out to be oddly-shaped A's when her padded bra came off.
my girlfriend just compared my daughters eyes to gollum from lord of the rings.
I'm starting to think The only feelings I have anymore are drunk and hung over
you can't hurt those
Stop selling my mother weed! She's annoying as hell when she's stoned.
I keep hearing lesbian porn and I'm the only one home. I don't think this is healthy
Either I got the clap, or I masturbated with soap while I was sleeping.
I'm sorry I tried putting my balls in your cup holder.
I DON'T CARE LET'S GET DRUNK AND GO. I STRAIGHTENED MY HAIR DO THIS FOR ME.
well in the interest of full disclosure I have been using a used kfc spork as a buttscratcher for a month
Only you could successfully troll for dick at a Hillel bake sale.
HAVE BEEN SPEAKING IN RUSSIAN ACCENT FOR 5 HOURS
SHIRT GONE
4 pharmacies and not one had Plan B. If this is gods way of telling me it's time for a child, he can fuck off.
I remember turning to Jon after doing a line of coke and saying "I was a Girl Scout"
We need to stop smoking. I just ran into a glass door.
dude, where did you go? french fries taste like numbers
Randomize
