I have funfetti in my underwear...will you come get me?
i wish i could swallow nair and shit it out and it would get rid of all my ass hair.
hammered. By myself. Accident. Faillll. Snowwwwwy
normally i would apologize for my drunk texting but even sober me agrees.
I just pulled a handful of rice out of my pocket.
I'm pregaming for my hair cut. Working two jobs definately taught me how to use my time wisely...
It must be illegal for me to be this drunk in front of this many children
Haha I will however wear glass and and draw a lightning bolt scar if you want to have sex that way, and that can be the only time you can call me Harry.
My dad caught me fucking in the pool last night. He proceeded to tell me I needed to "quiet things down" while this guys dick was still in me. Worst daughter ever.
He's a forty-something balding gay man with no boundaries or sense of social norms. Of course we should befriend him.
I'm sorry but the visual image of you suffocating on vagina is basically hysterical
I blew him while the canoe was sinking...I think of it as the better version of the titanic
My life has evolved from screwing randos, ok?
You peed all over his floor and had a bottle popped in your ass when you passed out. Don't tell me I'm "still living in my college days"
I gave in, made out with her, and long story short, I'm giving hetero another try.
Randomize
