Man now I have poo on my blackberry!!!
brownberry?
sorry about calling you the devil all night.
I'm quitting my job and I'm just going to become a professional drunk girls mistake.
mom brought her knitting needles with her. its bad enough to be in the ER on new years, but to be with the knitting parent!?
I'm pretty sure you thought I could absorb alcohol through my dress
How does me getting a new dildo make you crave olive garden
Going to the market. I need some nachos and a serious re-evalution of my life.
We broke up in downtown Nashville with drunken, blow up penis waving bachelorette parties walking by. For some reason I can see this ending up as a country music video.
I wonder when walk of shame thursdays in the rain will finally make me stop drinking.
Thanks for letting me use your ID, there's $120 along with your ID in the mail to cover the Urinating in public fine I got last night....sorry
do you want me to tag you in the pics from the party?
Hmm. Use your judgment. Bootlicking pics are probably not ok. Otherwise fine.
Quick question: is it impolite to pause sex to put on my knee brace?
Where did you go?
I'm not really sure. They have flavored vodka. I like it and I'm never leaving. Ever.
She posted a pic of her bf on ig wishing him a happy bday at midnight. She then proceeded to have sex with me. Who is the bday boy again?
Got electrocuted a second ago, is it weird that I have a boner?
Randomize
