shes the kind of girl i dont like to talk to unless my penis is in her mouth.
she wants me to text her or call her all the time when we are apart...this is not high school...
I'm having sex on a snuggie, yes i stopped to text you
Chef at hibachi place learned it was my bday and sprayed 20 second count worth of saki in my mouth. Not sure it was the right image to share with my kids, but thought you'd be proud.
I just overheard this sorority girl saying "It's like trick or treting but for alcohol and with no costumes." I'm jealous.
She kept asking for cigarettes, than just put them in her purse as "savings"
Just smoked a joint with the hottest patient. God I love night shifts.
I ran into the kitchen halfway through hooking up cause I forgot I put the cookies on the oven too high. Came back and she was gone but the only thing I could think about was all the extra cookies I could eat now. Got through about 6 before I realized why she left.
It just smells like spaghetti and despair.
Oh my god, it's like someone broke the off button in my butthole
Ended up in some house where this dude has a $1200 leopard cat
I need my daily rules like rule one don't put your dick in the vacuum cleaner
so we just got back from swapping peoples patio furniture around to different patios. some people might like unexpected change. others might regret living on the ground floor.
Just saw you run by my class yelling "fuck you!". Good luck and stay human!
I’m never getting home or fucked or eating hot Taco Bell fml
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