oh posh. I need a real boy. To fill my void. This guy has potential. He is a Republican.
***** and i were talking about Republicans today. They are usually the champs of mediocrity but we decided mediocrity is underrated.
Since when is my name a synonym for head?
i just keep taking vicodin and supergluing random shit
I thought I hit my peak drinking in college. Just finished first day on Wall Street. College was nothing.
Its as if he has to do the exact opposite of what I tell him. Don't come in my eye, pfshh it's in my eye. Don't come on the cat, pfshh it's on the cat.
We need a plan...
Find random men. Use them as sexual objects. There's our plan.
We have video of him nailing the sex doll to my wall and putting all the monopoly pieces in her nose
i'm having the hardest time convincing my roommates to go dumpster diving for pizza with me. i really miss you..
A guy with the name Pootie Tang winked st me and a guy that doesn't speak English messaged me. These are my choices?
Dude, you kicked in the door to get to a six-person orgy while yelling "I JUST WANT TO LEARN!!"
I'm on the porch day drinking and the neighbor is in his yard screaming about his amazing sandwiches, maybe we should move.
I wore a shirt that says "more tequila" to my bday party last year and that's why I want to be my own friend
I'm gonna die. First I'm gonna throw up. But then I'm gonna die.
I refuse to believe this is a lapse in my dick hunting skills. It's gotta be the gods playing a game.
You left your Xanax bottle in my car. Why is the label all smudged?
I spilled wine on it.
Randomize
