i told him i was sober and he walked away immediately.
I want you to come here and listen to her climax and then tell me how funny you think it is.
whatever, you made your decision to be a responsible student and where did it get you? a pushed back exam and no blowjob.
Woke up next to a half eaten California burrito. It was tucked in.
Just sucked my third dick in the past twelve hours. I must want AIDS.
Don't be alarmed at the girl laying on your bathroom floor.
I was just laying in bed wondering if there's more important things in life than cheese stuffed pretzels.
When he opened the car door the whole thing fell off. Even that can be forgiven via his monster cock.
When you're all settled in, text me, and I can sorta apologize for saying that your phone can suck my dick. What I really meant to say is that your Windows phone can suck my Android phone's dick.
I was so high I kept trying to flush the toilet with the light switch
It's confirmed. I have two dates on Saturday, and they are both named Mike.
....I just did my boss
I love you. And I will hold your hand as we skip on the road to hell.
Actually, my eyes didn't start bleeding until the next day. So it was a pretty awesome night overall.
It seems I've entered my 21st birthday the same way I entered this world: naked, crying and smothered in someone else's bodily fluids...
I think its a little fucked up she invited you to her wedding, are you going?
There is a lot of acid in my drugs right now
....ill put you down as a no then
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