how was the sex?
he smelled like pickles and burnt hair.
well, there's that.
so i woke up on my toliet naked backwards. good night.
STOP SENDING ME DANCING JESUS FORWARDS.
and after you realized your puke was bright blue, you started crying hysterically and screaming, "I DON'T WANT TO BE A SMURF!" no more uv blue for you.
I found them on a couch next to the sidewalk screaming at cars with a megaphone. Kevin chased the mailman with a jello shot.
If your wondering where your blanket is, I put it on the 2 guys you brought home last night. Their still sleeping outside on the trampoline.
also, I heard you can donate your eggs for like $8gs....hellloooo mediterranean vacation. thank youuuu future babies!!!
I don't even know man. I was to busy having beer showered on me and grabbing some balls
So he drunk messaged me last night telling me he wants a baby. Think I should call his bluff?
Oddly enough I feel totally fine now. Clonazapam and red bull the breakfast of champions.
Why did I see a weird snapchat of you barking at McDonald's last night?
I learned that I order a bunch of dollar shots at the bar and once it's ready turned around and say "who wants pay?" And someone will pay
Text me some of your sweat
We are taking a shrt nap on the sidewalk cme fine me if you want but dont wake me up
I got the shit slapped outta me last night but the pain in my jaw doesn’t even compare to the hangover I have.
Randomize
