Watching marley and me... this girls got me whipped man
I may or may not have just visibly given him head in front of three young children and their mom. They all looked mortified.
I think we should make a list of challenges so that when stuff like that happens, we can check it off. Like a scavenger hunt for hoes.
As I was going down on her I noticed she had a tatoo on her inner thigh that said "Eat it like your birthday cake".
being alone eating nachos and drinking from a giant munchen beermug really isnt that sad
ok, she started talking about how she swears her step dad killed her mom. starting to back out of this one
So the bar isnt gonna put that broken window on my tab. appaerently they want cash
I feel like I ran a fucking marathon on my knees last night and there are bruises to prove it.
hungover waitressing a bar association event. im being judged by actual judges.
Currently getting "blaow" buzzed into my pubes. How's your thursday?
DO IT, or I'll send you pictures of my hickey to remind you of your loneliness
You kept mumbling that you could become one with the carpet as you proceeded to give yourself the worst carpet burn I have ever seen
I just want him to come back from NOLA alive, without an arrest record or stripper glitter on his clothes...
Those seems like unreasonable expectations for a bachelor party honestly...
I walked into my house with my pants inside out, no shoes and a limp. My mom asked me if I had fun but I passed out before I could reply...
Just googled myself and a bunch of boob shots of me came up. Apparently my phone automatically uploaded them to my google plus.
Please google me ASAP and ensure I corrected this...
I'm not totally useless... You can use me as an example of what not to do
Randomize
