Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
i went to toss her salad and she had a toilet paper clinger on one of the hairs
In a meeting with the accounting department. This shit is even more boring in real life and there isn't a professor to wake me up.
So many bounce houses so little time
I know you're trying to keep the moaning to a minimum but the banging on the wall is totally giving you away
She gave me a foot massage while her friend rode me. Your gf puked into the oscolating fan. How were our nites alike?
All I I know is that there's 2 new contacts in my phone. Drunk Backdoor and Gayass Handshake. Thanks, Jameson.
We should have a bouncer at the top of our stairs asking the guys we bring home for ID...
When asked if they had been introduced, Damo said "No but I know we've pretty much fucked all the same girls in town"
I made out with a dude last night who has an ex wife. Is this what post grad life is about?
I don't care how hot she is, her cat has pissed on me twice.
Yo, I totally had forgotten you were CA. Thank you for making my life easier with modern medicine.
just like fucking own it. stare that cop in the eye and just keep masturbating "yeah motherfucker Im high as shit and this feels great"
He is getting no nudes from me. I don't even care if I'm losing his legal advice.
Why don’t they have healthy alcohol yet?
Randomize
