I felt like helen keller
But she could have totally found that shit before me
I just got asked by a man in the alley if i would like to buy 50 dollars of meat for 20 bucks. Its been a weird day.
Dude you just kept yelling "She was my first asain!" right in front of her.
you didnt have any toilet paper so I just took a shower
people are starting to question the shark bite story
Heyyyy darlin are you busy?
Why hello drunk Jake. It's sober Sarah, I'll tell drunk Sarah you booty called. She'll probably be around tomorrow night.
I worked with a girl tonight that recognized me solely from a keg stand she witnessed me do sophmore year. Needless to say this made my night
She stumbled in with some guy, woke me up, introduced him and said "This is my sister. She's a freshman. She probably hates you."
is it weird that I didn't think he was hot last night when I was making out with him but right now I'm Facebook stalking him and think he's really attractive??
your beer goggles are on backwards.
I'm pretty sure the guy in front of me at Walmart doesn't have good plans. It's one am he is buying a flash light and black bandanna
About to be a 4Loko vomit fountain in 45 seconds, what color will it be? Animated birds will fly out of me.
My mute roommate is using sign language to ask a guy to fuck her.
your were asleep with people making out on top of you. you didn't even look bothered by it.
You gotta come over now. He is eating cupcakes while they are still in the foil.
What? No, wine isn't my weakness, I just love it.
Randomize
