I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
Yeah, we realized keeping you in a cage wasn't beneficial to us
2pm: Breaking news alert: I think I'm finally sober. Oh, and that place needs hotter strippers.
also, the amount of semen in my carpet right now is unforgivable...
he calls himself the gay cupid because he matches two guys looking to hookup on craigstlist with each other. get me out of here. please.
The great part about clubs is that you can fart everywhere and nobody knows! The bad part is I'm on e and i have nobody to fondle.
Gonna be hard to top last New Year's Eve when the guy I blew came at midnight
Her hookup left his underwear and shorts in the dorm last night... What he was wearing when he left, we may never know.
I feel like I have a very capable uterus.
I woke up on my girls floor with a pound of muenster cheese in my shirt pocket
I still have a little drunk in my system
I'm to the point of desperation where I stare at customers penis imprints through their pants all day
I didn't even get crazy off of the coke so everything's fine. Also, I think I might have killed my aunt's dog..
Remember, today is also the anniversary of Harambe's death. D**** out.
Pray for me.. I'm like the lonely vagina in a sea of sworming dicks
Randomize
