And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
It saddens me that girls will never know the wonder feeling of pulling your sweaty nutsack off of your leg.
I don't know if it's her mysterious past or atrocious grammar, but I think I'm in love.
i love how he claims to not know english but when i ask him to come over and fuck me he's all of a sudden fluent
he said "cool" when i took off my bra and proceeded to stare wideeyed at them the ENTIRE time. it was like sleeping with the kid i showed my boobs to for the first time in 6th grade.
Who was that guy I met at your brother's house who had to get stitches in his ass?
I had to write an apology letter to security guards in the hotel so I didnt get kicked out
Your wedding's just one more day in my life I can't wear sweat pants.
Judging by the garbled spelling in the calendar reminders in my phone, drunk me really wanted sober me to take a pregnancy test today.
He wheeled me around walmart in a cart, and stole at least 30 dollars of junior mints fpr me. Best date ever.
I took "we live within stumbling distance of the bar" as an invitation and challenge
I totally OverDed on K2 last night. I felt like I was made of lead and then I had a panic attack.
I taught her to play Monopoly. She sold me her bra to keep from going bankrupt.
I know of an excellent nanny. A lot like Mary Poppins but way cooler. And likes pot.
He asked me for a pic so I sent him a pic of my boyfriends dick.
Randomize
