she looks like stephen colbert with that blond wig he was wearing last night.
I woke up on a futon with 2 stolen budwiesers in my purse, 5 extra bucks, a sucker stuck to my shoe, one sock, and a stolen copy of the zombie survival guide
please tell me this is not legit
i just had to google what happens if your dog eats your nuva ring
Apparently I have a urinal in my bedroom
How did I end up in the pool?!
Welcome to ASU
Plans for halloween need to outrank Caesar, Cleopatra and Mark Antony's threesome...just saying
I can't tell if they're having sex or watching the beach scene from Saving Private Ryan. All I know is I hear explosions and men screaming and crying
If she wants experimental lesbian sex, i call dibs
I woke up wearing a headband made of condoms. It was supposed to be a crown for the "prettiest fag hag" award I won last night. There is lube in my hair. I'm going back to sleep
when I die covered in cocaine, hookers, and tequila at 73 years old just remember that I once had a tweet with that many retweets
He did 5 five hand stand push ups and took off his shirt for a barbarian flex. Some girl took off her shirt and threw it at him
See, this is why we give you shit. Ashley gets her car cleaned out, I get multiple enchiladas made, and you get cum in your eye.
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
Basically we had a threesome in one room and a fivesome in the next room. Its what I like to call a win win situation.
dad says come back and get the lawn mower out of the pool before mom gets home
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