She said I was really immature but whatever...oh by the way we just bought a toilet and turned it into a beer bong so come over
apparently when i got back to tyler's i layed face down on the bed and yelled "don't hurt my asshole!"
People were stuck in the elevator screaming and freaking out. I banged on the door and yelled, "fire depart!" They got excited and then I ran away. lolz
Do I buy ice cream sandwiches or a 40? these are the difficult life decisions I am faced with.
five cans of playdoh and a game of guess whose penis ...
He peed in the bird bath. Those birds are gonna be pissed
That's what he gets for shittin at the strip club. Who does that??
I asked her if she could eat some Doritos so when we made out it would taste awesome
Some guys phone started vibrating on the tv. I answered mine. That's how high I am.
yea so the plan to relive our college glory days was great and all but ending up in the er with alcohol poisoning was crossing the line
honestly performing my own hysterectomy would hurt less than my cramps right now.
How I know I've been single too long: I'm reveling in finding out my taken friends are being tragically dumped
Who the abstract fuck do you think you are!?
so horny i almost want to text him..and then i remember the restraining order i have against him
Someone needs to get Mark off the roof. I told you that he doesn’t shut up about ancient Egypt if you give him henny.
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