New universal law, if a movie has a Rob Zombie song in it, its probably a bad movie.
Hey, remember that girl at rocklobster you thought was hot but were to pussy to talk to? You were right, her boobs are fake and she gives the best head on the planet. Can you come pick me up?
You're dead to me.
went out last night and woke up on the bathroom floor again, thinking about just moving my bed in there.
Drunk on Tuesday. Double fisting. Mmmbop is playing. Only girl in the group. Life is complete.
You just said we could build a blanket and pillow "fuck fort." Of course I'm never leaving you.
I'm working on finding a bottomless situation. Both pants and mimosas.
Um, you were throwing up the shocker symbol in front of all of the wedding guests during the best man's speech. No wonder the groom thinks we're bad
I punted my pants across my apt at my roommate last night. Everything else is kinda fuzzy.
Seriously your house is like the underground railroad for unwanted gay kids
Speaking of mom and dad and Halloween... Mom bought a size small slutty nurse outfit last night. So yeah, they're getting hammered
I'm gonna hop on that dick and ride it into the sunset
But I got head on a boat yesterday which was sweet until a bald eagle flew over. Then it became life affirming.
I snuck out three pillows from the hotel i was rolling so hard. They are like little clouds. I regret nothing.
I woke up to both of you drawing on me in sharpie, unless a glorious threesome was had the night before that is not okay.
Who says it wasn't?
I woke up with my converse still on and a plate of pasta next to my face, if that gives you any indication of how my night went
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