What a fucking waste of an outfit
i just saw a homeless guy running after a pigeon, catch it and put it in his jacket pocket. I'm not sure if the bird is now his pet or dinner!
Omg. Well, welcome to Oakland...
i think i have herpe
just one?
i've been called drunk 4 times today and it's only 3pm
i told him im from Canada, abortion is free
I need to get the stench of sex and broken dreams out of my room
a guy just walked up to us....drank the rest of my beer....and said sorry for my loss before walking away.
i know i should keep better track of the things that i put in your vagina but i've put so many things in there it's hard to keep track
Atlanta road trip update. Jimmy fell into the petting tank at the aquarium. And freaked out. With cops now... Keep you posted
She apologized again the next day. I said it was pee under the bridge
ON A SIMILAR NOTE MY DICK SIZE PSYCHIC SKILLS ARE SO GOOD
My wife climbed on top of me, fucked my brains out, and gave me money from the ATM. I'm living the dream.
Woke up in a sombrero and a males speedo. Tequila makes normal peoples clothes fall off, however it makes me fall into a questionable identity crisis
I think I just got booty called by someone I've never slept with or even really had a conversation with before.
I'd kiss your neck and collarbone and then run my tongue up your neck to just behind your ear
And then lightly kick the curve inside your ear
Randomize
