How many pudding cups do I have to eat for it to count as dinner?
4.
im sitting at a bagel shop wearing a princess crown hungover and have a sweater that is not mine.
I wish there was a Glade Plug-in for vaginas
Drunk wheelbarrow races might make the top 10 list of dumb shit weve done. Especially considering all the broken glass around...
Some guy seriously just got Jimmy Johns delivered to him at the graduation ceremony. This cannot be real life.
I flossed his teeth and then we had sex in the bathroom. It just seemed like a good idea.
She tried to leave the threesome and I heard you yell "Hey! We don't quit at halftime!"
Here's the thing, you got road head in two different cars tonight. You feel lucky yet?
I did the walk of shame this morning and his mom hugged me in the driveway
This morning I woke up in the entrance of a retirement home. Memory fragments from last night: making it rain with the contents of my wallet over the bridge, getting hit by a car, and a lot of running.
I hope dressing like a sexy, but very grown up and intelligent, secretary while out shopping helps disguise how high I am right now.
He's driving 2 hours to visit me and he's bringing weed. I love him so much.
She gave me a boner for the first time in 9 years.
I'm pretty sure my therapist gave me the green light to fuck him.
She blew me while I watched the jets game and the hardest thing was deciding what to focus on more
Randomize
